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*fe 



THE GIRL FROM PORTO RICO 



ft farce gonedy in three Jim 



BY 

JOSEPH LE BRANDT 

Author of " My Lady Darrell." 



Copyright, 1906, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



*£ 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



WM i umm w M—j O i ii i i i h i i » 

LIBRARY of CONGRESS 
Two Copies Received 

JAN 10 1906 
CoDyrteht Entry / 




*W2 



CLAS 

/ COPY 



JQ XXc. No. 






THE GIRL FROM PORTO RICO 

Note. — The acting rights of this play are expressly reserved by 
the publishers, to whom theatrical managers should apply who 
wish to produce it. Amateur representation may be made without 
such application and without charge. 



CHARACTERS 

Jack Jenkins, who likes excitement Juvenile lead 

Robinson Dodd, called Robin for short Light Comedy 

Abraham Mite, who has a hobby Character Comedy 

McGinty, man servant Low Comedy 

Jabez Vacant, a real estate dealer Character 

Dina Mite, liable to explode at any moment Lead 

Violet Waters, just as sweet as her name Ingenue 

Sarah, a little slow, but always '*comin' " Rough Soubrette 



Time. — The present. 

Place. — Abraham Mite's home, New York City. 

Time of Playing. — Two hours and a half. 



DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS 

Jack. Happy-go-lucky, very self-assertive. 

Robin. Rather hesitating. Timid. A direct foil to Jack. 

Abraham. A quick, nervous old man. 

McGinty. A typical stage Irishman. Broad, exaggerated 
dialect. 

Jabez. A slow, stolid old man. Direct opposite of Abraham. 

Dina. Made-up dark brunette. Impulsive and violent. 

Sarah. Can be played as a short-dress soubrette, or middle- 
aged servant. 

Violet. Made-up blonde, played in sharp contrast with Dina. 



6 The Girl from Porto Rico 

McGinty. You're the only bell that interests me now — the 
bell of me heart. It's cracked wide open. (Bell rings again.) 

Sarah (indignant). You call me a bell, then say I'm cracked, 
indeed? 

McGinty. No, no, me darlin' ; it's me heart that is cracked, 
not you. (Bell rings again.) 

Sarah (simpering). Oh, that's different. 

McGinty. Will ye mend it with a kiss? 

Sarah. Does it hurt much ? 

McGinty. If ye don't relaive the pain it will kill me. 

Sarah. Then I'll save your life. (Goes to McGinty. He 
embraces and kisses her just as Abraham appears in door with 
letter and newspaper.) 

ENTER Abraham, r. 3 e. 

Abraham. Well, I declare ! that is nice. 

(McGinty and Sarah break away. Sarah goes to 
l. corner. ) 

McGinty. Yes, sir; that is what I think. 

Abraham. How long has this been going on? 

McGinty. This, sir? What, sir? 

Abraham. What sir? That sir. 

McGinty. That, sir? Not long, sir. 

Abraham. Well, see it doesn't go on any longer, sir. Here, 
take this letter at once to the address on the envelope. (Turns 
up R.) 

McGinty. Yes, sir. (Goes up to c door, turns, throws kisses 
to Sarah, who is down l. Sarah returns them.) 

Abraham (turns, sees them). Here ! here ! what are you trying 
to do? Make long-distance telephones out of yourselves, 
McGinty? [EXIT McGinty, quick, c. d. to r. 

Abraham. Sarah, didn't you hear me ring? 

Sarah. Of course I did, sir, I heerd you four times quite 
distinct. It's a pleasure to wait on you, sir. 
Abraham. Yes ; but you don't wait on me, it's I who wait on 
you. Sarah, bring me some hot water that I may get shaved. 

Sarah. Yes, sir (going up c. Aside) Hot water indeed. I 
should think his daughter would keep him in hot water enough. 

[EXIT c. d. to L. 

Abraham. I think my hopes are about to be realized at last. 
(Referring to newspaper.) Here is an advertisement of a nice 
little suburban place for sale. If it has green blinds, a little 
fountain in front, and the sun shines in all the windows, I'll take 
it at once, and live a life of peace and tranquillity. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 



ENTER Sarah, c. d., with small pitcher. 

Sarah. Here's the hot water, sir. 

Abraham. Thank you, Sarah. By the way, Sarah, there 
seems to be a most remarkable tranquillity in the house this 
morning. Isn't my daughter well? 

Sarah (stands up stage r. with pitcher). Oh, yes, sir. Miss 
Dina has gone out, sir. 

Abraham. Ah ! that's it then ; I thought there must be some- 
thing. 

Sarah. Young Missus makes us jump about, don't she, sir? 
I never can make out one so peaceable and quiet as you are 
should have a daughter so — so 

Abraham. So explosive, eh? 

Sarah. Yes, sir; she's a regular hurricane, sir. 

Abraham. Why, you see it's a singular world. If any one 
had told me when I was quietly manufacturing muffins in Phila- 
delphia that I should ever go and marry a wife in Porto Rico I 
should have exclaimed, "Nonsense." 

Sarah. And did you, sir? 

Abraham. Did I? I rather think I did. Hearing that muf- 
fins were unknown in those savage regions, I resolved to specu- 
late, and off I went. Oh! such a success. All Porto Rico was 
muffin mad; you should have seen how the money tumbled in. 
Why I had a dozen little black boys always at work, and a great 
bouncing shop girl, with eyes like blue bottles and eyelashes like 
blacking brushes. I was regularly in for it, and Hymen soon 
bound me with his fetters. 

Sarah. What ! did you go and marry a nigger ? 

Abraham. She wasn't a nigger, she was only a lovely copper 
color, and so you see how I accidentally became father to a 
Porto Ricon daughter, and all owing to muffins. 

Sarah. I see, and Miss Dina takes after her Porto Ricon ma? 

Abraham. Yes ; that is why I named her Dina. You see with 
my name, Mite, that makes hers dynamite. Very appropriate. 
(Laughs.) Why even now she wants to marry that Robinson 
Dodd against my wishes. 

Sarah. Well, che does love her little Robin, as she calls him, 
that's a fact. (Noise off R., loud talking.) 

Abraham. Hello; what's the matter now, I wonder? (Look- 
ing off c. door to R.) 

Sarah. A row with the cabman. 

Abraham. Of course, that's why I hate cabs; always rows. 

Sarah. Shall I go and see what it is ? 



8 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Abraham. No ! It's no business of ours. Get some hot water, 
that is cold now. 

Sarah. Here comes your hot water, sir. (Stands a little l. 
of c. D.) 

ENTER Dina, c. d. from r. She walks about the stage in a 
state of great agitation. 

Abraham. Hello, child, is that you? 

Dina (sharply). Yes, it's me. Good morning. 

Abraham. What's the matter? 

Dina. Nothing ! I'm in a passion. 

Abraham. Oh! is that all? What has happened? What have 
you been about? 

Dina. I've been boxing the cabman's ears. 

Abraham. What did he do? 

Dina. He attempted to overcharge me. 

Abraham. And you boxed his ears? 

Dina. For overcharging me ? no indeed ! When I expostu- 
lated he had the impudence to say he would take what I gave 
him I was such a pretty girl. 

Abraham. And you gave him 

Dina. A box on the ear 

Abraham. For calling you a pretty girl? What would you 
have done if he had called you ugly? 

Dina. Oh, papa ! You will be the death of me. Your daughter 

was insulted, and you calmly ask me However, I taught him 

a lesson. I taught him never again to 

Abraham. To call you a pretty girl ? No, I think he will 
modify his opinion next time. (To Sarah, waiting) What are 
you doing there? Where's my hot water? 

Sarah. Oh, dear, I forgot the hot water. (Aside) Ain't sha 
a spitfire? [EXIT c. p. to l. 

ENTER Violet, c. d. from r. Violet c, Abraham r., Dina l. 

Violet. It is all right, dear, I have paid the fellow and he has 
driven off. 

Dina. If I only had possessed a horsewhip he should have 
been well paid. 

Violet (laughing). Well, I'm glad you were without the 
whip. We attracted attention enough as it was. 

Dina. Oh, papa, you should see the lovely waltz the Professor 
taught me. Come, Violet. (Catches Violet and waltzes with 
her.) 



The Girl from Porto Rico 9 

ENTER Sarah, c, d. from l v with pitcher. 

Sarah (aside). Now she's dancing. (Begins to waltz awk- 
wardly, spills water. Abraham turns and sees her.) 

Sarah. Here's your hot water. 

Abraham (Dina and Violet stop waltzing; so does Sarah). 
Take it to my room. 

Sarah. Yes, sir. [EXIT door r. 3 e. 

Abraham. If you will excuse me, I think I will shave while 
I have the hot water. I've had trouble enough to get it. (Starts 
up to door R. 3 e.) 

ENTER Sarah, door r. 3 e. Goes toward c. door. 

Abraham. Sarah, when McGinty returns, tell him to come 
to me. [EXIT door r. 3 e. 

Sarah (standing a). Yes, sir. (Starts toward a) 

Dina. And, Sarah, has Mr. Dodd called this morning? 

Sarah. No, Miss. [EXIT c. door to r. 

Dina. After twelve, and he has not been here. (Crosses to r.) 
I won't submit to this neglect. (Very indignant.) 

Violet. You must not be too exacting. There may be a hun- 
dred things to detain him ! 

Dina. You are always ready to make excuses for him. If 
we quarrel you invariably side with him. I believe you love 
him ! ( Walks excitedly up and down stage. ) 

Violet. Dina! You are unkind, Dina. (Going up c.) I will 
go to my room until you are in better temper. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Dina. Better temper, indeed ! Why do people always speak of 
my temper? (Changing mood, going up to c. d. calling) Violet! 
Violet! She has gone. (Coming dozvn. Bell rings off r.) 
There he is now! I'll run and meet him. (Stops.) No, I won't. 
He has kept me waiting, I will return the compliment. I'll go 
and make it up with Violet. [EXIT c. d. to L. 

Sarah (outside). Come right in. 

ENTER Sarah, c. d. from r., folloived by Robin and Jack. 

Sarah. She's been expecting you ! 

Robin. Has she? (Aside) I knew it. (To Sarah) Did she 
appear very 

Sarah. Mad? Well, from the way she flew out of this room, 
I should say she was in a tantrum ! 

Robin. I guess I'll call again. 



JO The Girl from Potto Rico 

Sarah. Oh, you'd better stay, fight it out, and have it over. 

[EXIT l. c. 

Robin (running up c. calling). Sarah! Sarah! Oh, she's gone. 
(Up c.) I don't know whether to stand my ground or run. (Sees 
Jack down r. corner, laughing.) Well, what are you laughing 
at? 

Jack (coming down). I thought you brought me here to in- 
troduce me to an angel ? 

Robin (coming down). Oh, she is. (Hesitates.) Only at 
times, you know, her temper is not angelic. 

Jack (laughing). And you afraid of her? Come, confess it. 

Robin (bravely). Afraid of her? No, sir. (Nervously) Only 
I think it bad taste to have words with a lady. 

Jack. But as the lady is to be your wife, if I were you I 
would give her to understand once for all that I would not 
tolerate any quarrelling. 

Robin. Oh, I intend to do that later, but I don't like to anger 
her. I was wrong in not calling before this. 

Jack. Oh, well, introduce me. I'll take the blame of your 
being late. 

Robin. Thanks, old fellow. (Nervously) But if it is just 
the same to you, I would like to smooth things over a little before 
I present you. (Looks off c. d.) 

Jack (aside). He doesn't want me to witness the storm. (To 
Robin) All right, old fellow. What shall I do? 

Robin. Just walk around the block for ten minutes. 

Jack. Well, I don't like the idea of being turned out, but 
anything to oblige you. (Starts up c) 

ENTER Abraham, d. r., sees Jack. 

Abraham. Well, I declare! Jack Jenkins! (Offering hand.) 

Jack (shaking hands with Abraham). Hello! my old chess 
player. 

Robin. Eh ! It seems you know each other ? 

Jack. Why, yes; we had many a game of chess together at 
the club, and a good player h^ is. 

Abraham. I have to thank you for many pleasant hours spent 
at the club when my own house was — well, too warm. (Frigidly 
to Robin) I am glad to meet this gentleman in my house. (Glares 
at Robin.) 

Jack. Your house? So it is. So you are the father of the 
angel ? 

Abraham. Angel! Well, this is the first time I've heard 
her called that. 



The Girl from Porto Rico it 

Dina (outside l.). You say the wretch is in the drawing- 
room? 

Jack. Ah! what is that? 

Abraham. The angel ! I know what that tone of voice 
means. I don't want to meet her now. Come with me. (Drags 
Jack off d. r. 3.) 

Robin. I'm in for it. 

ENTER Dina, c. d., looks at Robin. 

Dina. So you are here? 

Robin (aside). I'll make a bluff. (To Dina) Of course I'm 
here. Can't you see me? What a silly question. 

Dina. Where have you been? 

Robin. I met an old friend. 

Dina. How do I know? 

Robin. My word 

Dina. Your word ? Pah ! do you think I am fool enough 
to take a man's word where a woman is concerned? 

Robin. I will prove it to you. 

Dina. Do so. 

Robin. He is here at this moment talking to your father. 

Dina (suddenly changing manner to loving, cooing style). 
And did I wrongfully accuse my little Robin? 

Robin (injured air). You did. 

Dina (cooing). And was my little Robin angry? 

Robin (assuming anger). Very angry! 

Dina (cooing). But my little Robin isn't angry now? 

Robin (aside). Confound it, I hate to be talked to as if I 
was a bird or an animal. (To Dina) Let us say no more about 
it, I forgive you 

Dina (quickly). You forgive me? 

Robin (hastily). No, no; I mean I'll let you forgive me! 
(Holding out arms.) 

Dina. You promise not to be late again? 

Robin. Oh, yes! (Still holding out arms.) 

Dina (comes to Robin). Then you shall kiss me. (In his 
arms he is just about to kiss her.) 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. from r., quick; sees them. 

McGinty. Oh ! oh ! excuse me. 

Dina (turns to him savagely). Leave the room. 

McGinty. You bet I will. [Quick EXIT door r. 3 e. 



\2 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Dina. Stupid fellow. Robin, you must give him a kick 
for that. 

Robin. Eh ! Oh, it is bad form to kick a servant in America. 

Dina (looks at Robin). Now, Robin. (About to go to him 
for the kiss.) 

Robin (doesn't understand her at once). Eh! Hah! Yes! 
(Holds out his arms.) 

McGinty (outside). Look out for me, I'm coming. 

(ENTERS and steers quick up stage and off c. door without 
looking at them. Robin laughs.) 

Dina (taking r. corner). The impudent clown! (Sees Robin 
laughing.) And you can laugh? 

Robin (sobers up quick). Oh, no! I assure you. I can't. 

Dina. Robin, you must kick him now. Promise me you 
will? 

Robin. Oh, yes, I promise. (Aside) That Irishman will 
kill me. 

ENTER Abraham, door r. 3 e., with Jack, speaking as he 

enters. 

Abraham. It is my thought by day, my dream by night. A 
little suburban villa, where I can live in quiet. (Finishes speech 
in dumb play coming down r. ) 

Robin (aside, to Dina). There is the friend I spoke of. 

Dina (aside, to Robin). I believe you. 

Robin (aside) . Thank Heaven ! 

Dina (to Abraham). Father! (Looks at him savagely.) 

Abraham. Eh ! oh, yes ! Allow me to present my daughter, 
Mr. Jenkins. 

Jack (crossing to Dina). I am pleased to meet you. (Dina 
bows. Positions: Robin extreme l. ; Dina, l. of c. ; Jack, r. 
of c. ; Abraham, extreme r.) I am sorry I detained Robin, but 

the fact is (Sees Robin making frantic signs for him to keep 

still.) Eh! Oh! Certainly. (To Dina) And— and— yes, that 
is the reason (Goes to Abraham.) 

Dina (aside). He signed to him. Silence! Ha! Ha! He is 
concealing something. (Rings bell.) 

ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Sarah. Did you ring? 

Dina. Yes, Sarah. Ask Miss Waters if she will come down? 

Sarah. Yes, Miss. [EXIT c. d. to l. 



The Girl from Porto Rico J 3 

ENTER Violet, c. d. l., coming down between Dina and Robin. 

Violet. Did you wish to see me, Dina? 

Dina. Yes. Mr. Dodd has arrived at last. {Gives Robin a 
black look.) 

Violet. Good morning, Mr. Dodd. 

Robin. Good morning, Violet — I mean Miss Waters. (Shakes 
hands with her effusively, Dina watching them.) 

Dina (sharply). Violet! (Robin drops Violet's hand; goes 
a little further l.) Here is a friend of Mr. Dodd's; Mr. Jen- 
kins, Miss Waters. (They bow.) 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

McGinty (to Abraham). Mr. Vacant wishes to see you, 
sir. 

Dina. Vacant ! 

Abraham. Yes, the real estate dealer. 

Jack. He can't do much business, he is always vacant. (Dina 
laughs. ) 

Jack (aside). I've made her laugh, that's a good sign. 

Abraham. Well, you must excuse me. I am going to see 
about my suburban villa. Green blinds, little grass plot in front, 
and sun shining in every room. 

[EXIT with McGinty, c. door to r. 

Jack. Good ! He's out of the way. I'll have a chance to 
talk to her. I think she is scrumptious. (Violet and Robin 
are talking down l.) 

Dina (looks at Robin and Violet. Aside). Now is my 
chance to find out what Robin meant by those signs. (Goes to 
Jack. Aside) I must worm the secret from him. (To Jack) 
Won't you come and see papa's plans of suburban villas? That 
is his fad. 

Jack. With pleasure. (Aside) By Jove! I like her im- 
mensely. (Both go up stage talking, then EXIT c. d. to l.) 

Violet (to Robin). I intend going home to-morrow. 

Robin. To-morrow? I will ask Dina to keep you here. (Sees 
that Jack and Dina have gone out.) Why, they have gone! 

Violet (looking about stage). So they have. Well, I'm 
glad of it, for one thing. 

Robin. I'm glad of it for all things. 

Violet (sits in chair). I am glad Dina has gone, for it gives 
me an opportunity of speaking with you 

Robin (interrupting). That's funny. I'm glad for the same 
reason. 



J 4 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Violet (not heeding him). Upon a matter which has caused 
me distress. 

Robin (nervously). You, distressed? What has distressed 
you? 

Violet. Dina. 

Robin (interrupting). She distresses everybody. 

Violet. She was very unkind to me. 

Robin. Just see how unkind she is to me! 

Violet. She is foolish enough to think I care for you. 

Robin (quickly). Eh? Oh, yes — of course, that would be 
foolish. (Aside) That isn't very complimentary. (To Violet, 
laughs) Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Violet. What is it ? 

Robin. Sudden thought. She must be foolish, too. She 
cares for me. (Aside) I wish she didn't. 

Violet. Oh, that is different ; you are engaged. 

Robin (desperately). No, I'm not! I am her slave, her abject 
slave; she is my ruler; she is like a boa constrictor, she has her 
coils wound about me and is slowly tightening them. I struggle, 
but it is of no use. She is slowly but surely exterminating me. 
(During this speech he is very nervous, and business of hands 
in pockets and out again. Tries to take Violet's hand, drops it 
quick, pulls out handkerchief, mops forehead, drops it on stage, 
stoops to pick it up, gets corner of rug by mistake, doesnt notice 
it and tries to stuff it in pocket.) 

Violet (in alarm). I had no idea you felt this way about it. 
I thought you were very happy. (Rises.) 

Robin. Happy ! Can a man be happy who is momentarily 
expecting a wild cat to pounce upon him at every turn, looking 
for a dagger to tickle his ribs? Ugh, it gives me the shivers. 

Violet. She is violent. I really pity you. 

Robin. You do? They say pity is akin to love. If you pity 
me, you love me — say yes. 

Violet. I will do nothing of the kind, at least while you are 
engaged to Dina. 

Robin. But I won't be engaged ! I'll break it off. The slave 
will cast off his yoke and be free. 

Violet. And you will tell her this? 

Robin (hesitates). No— no— I don't think I will. I'll write 
it to her, I can say it better on paper. One thing is certain; 
I shall not marry her. I'll marry the woman I love if — if — I 
have to commit suicide. 

Violet (laughing). How will that help you? 

Robin. That's so. I would be dead, wouldn't I? Well, I 
can pretend to commit suicide. (Crosses down to r.) 



The Girl from Porto Rico i 5 

Violet. That is better ; it won't hurt you so much, and doesn't 
require the same amount of courage. (Going up to c.) One 
thing be assured, Mr. Dodd 

Robin. Call me Robin. 

Violet. Well, then, Robin, I will not listen to your proposi- 
tions unless they are honorable, and that they cannot be while 
you are affianced to another. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Robin. She loves me; I'll marry her — hold on. (Sobers 

down.) How about the I'll make a bluff. (Starts up stage, 

stops.) No, I won't; I made one and it didn't go. What will 
I do? 

Abraham (outside). Come right in, Mr. Vacant. 



ENTER Abraham, c. d., followed by Vacant, who has packet 

under arm. 

Abraham. Here we can be alone. (Sees Robin.) I said 
alone. 

Robin (aside). A great idea! Her father doesn't like me, 
I'll get him to turn me out of the house. (To Abraham) Sir! 
What do you insinuate? 

Abraham. I don't insinuate, I mean your room will be more 
appreciated than your company. 

Robin (aside). Good! (To Abraham) Do you order me 
out of the house? 

Abraham. Well, I 

Robin. I thought so. The next thing you will kick me out? 

Abraham. Nothing would give me greater pleasure. 

Robin. Do it — do it (Abraham hesitates.) The house 

is yours. Kick — kick 

Abraham. I will. (Prepares to kick him. Robin elated. 
Abraham suddenly stops.) I was forgetting Dina. (Aside) I 
want to live to get my suburban villa. (To Robin) On second 
thought, I'll forego the pleasure. 

Robin. Not a kick in him — another scheme busted. 

[EXIT c. d. to L. 

Vacant (dozvn l v has been watching this scene. Aside). 
What a strange proceeding. (To Abraham) Who was it, a 
book agent? 

Abraham. A book agent? No; I wish it was. (Looks at 
his foot meaningly.) He is to be my son-in-law. 

Vacant. Oh! Does he occupy the villa with you? 

Abraham. No, sir ! No, sir ! I've had enough of him here. 
When he marries my daughter, that is his punishment. 



16 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Vacant (aside). What a queer family! 

Abraham. And now for the villa. 

Vacant. I have the photographs of it here. 

Abraham. Come right into my room, there we will be undis- 
turbed. (Crosses to d. r.) Walk in, walk in. (Points to d. r. 
Vacant crosses to r.) 

Vacant. Thank you. [EXIT d. r. 3 e. 

Abraham. Now, if it only has green blinds 

[EXIT D.R.3E. 



ENTER Jack, c. d v followed by Robin. Jack goes down r., 

Robin, l. 

Robin. What do you think of her? 
Jack. Glorious ! Superb ! 
Robin. That's my opinion exactly. 

Jack. Oh, you are a lucky dog to win such a magnificent 
creature. 
Robin. Say, which one do you mean? Dina or Violet? 
Jack (looks at him). Why, have you won them both? 
Robin. Nearly, but I want to lose one. 
Jack. Of course, I know which one you mean." 
Robin (sadly). Oh, you couldn't possibly make a mistake. 

Jack. Violet is a pretty girl 

Robin (warmly). I should say so- 



Jack. But Dina, she is like a grand rocket compared to a 
penny roman candle 

Robin. Yes, she is a whole fireworks display. 

Jack. By Jove ! I wish I had your chance. 

Robin. So do I, with all my heart. ! 

Jack. Break off with her, and I will try to take your place. 

Robin. What! Break off with her, and find a knife sticking 
in my ribs, ugh! (Shivers.) 

Jack. Well, think of some way. 

Robin. Think? I can't think of anything but the conse- 
quences. 

Jack. Appeal to her father. 

Robin. That's a good idea, the old gentleman doesn't like me. 
If I could get him to forbid the marriage 

Jack. Go ahead. I think he rather fancies me. I will back 
you up and hint I would like to be his son-in-law. 

Robin. He is in that room. (Points to door R. 3E.) 

Jack. I will call him. (Goes to door r. 3 e., calls) Mr. Mite, 
can I see you a moment? 



The Girl from Porto Rico YJ 



ENTER Abraham, door r. 3 e. 

Abraham. What is it all about? 

Jack (to Abraham). Mr. Dodd hinted, hinted, of course, 
only hinted, that your late wife, Dina's mother, was er — well — 
not of pure Caucasian blood. 

Abraham. Indeed ! Then let me inform him, sir, that the 
hot blood of Spain flowed through her veins, only a little hotter 
than usual. 

Robin (aside, to Jack). You've told him a pack of lies. 

Jack (aside, to Robin). Shut up. (To Abraham) Sir, 
Mr. Dodd is my friend — or has been — but when a man so far 
forgets himself as to reflect upon a lady, my friendship ceases. 
If I were in your place I would forbid my daughter wedding 
such a man. 

Abraham. You are right; I will do it. I have only to tell 
her what he has said, and that will settle it. 

Robin. It will settle me. 

Jack (hastily). Oh, no, Mr. Mite! Let me entreat you to 
say nothing of the cause of this quarrel. Would you wound 
her sensitive heart by these cruel allusions to her sainted 
mother ? 

Abraham. That is the first time I ever heard her called 
that. 

Jack. Would you thrust a poisoned arrow into that young 
heart, that would rankle there and blast her life, causing her 
to wither like a sensitive flower that had been blighted by the 
cruel frost? 

Abraham. Mr. Jenkins, you don't know my daughter very 
well. 

Jack. I know that you are a loving father, that your daugh- 
ter's happiness is paramount with you. And, like the Roman 
fathers of old, you will rise to the occasion. Assert your author- 
ity, save your daughter, and conceal within your breast the 
secret that has entered like a canker worm and seeks to destroy 
your peace of mind. (This speech must be delivered in grand 
oratorical style.) 

Abraham (puzzled, but draws up when Jack talks about 
Roman fathers). I don't exactly know what you are talking 
about, but I guess you are right. What would you do? 

Jack. Forbid the marriage. 

Abraham. Yes, but what reason shall I give? 

Jack. Any reason but the right one. 

Abraham. I'll try it, but I am afraid it will be a fizzle. 



1$ The Girl from Porto Rico 

Jack. If you are inclined to falter, think of that villain. (Points 
to Robin.) 

Robin (aggrieved). Hold on, I don't like that. 

Jack I'll go send your daughter to you. (Starts up. 
Abraham and Robin both catch him.) 

Robin. Perhaps we had better postpone this until to-morrow? 
(Abraham nods his head "yes.") 

Jack. Never put off until to-morrow that which can be done 
to-day. (Starts again.) 

Abraham. But I am very busy, I have the agent here of a 
beautiful villa. 

Jack (melodramatically) . What is a suburban villa to your 
daughter's honor. Think of her. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Abraham (coining down r.). I'd rather think of something 
more tranquil. 

Robin (aside). I believe this is a scheme of Jack's to have 
me killed so he can marry her. I guess I'll get out of here. 
(Sneaks toward l. i e.) 

Abraham (turns and sees him going). Here! Here! Where 
are you going? 

Robin. I'll be back in a moment. 

Abraham. You'll stay right here, that was the bargain ; 
don't try to escape the consequences. 

Robin. Sir ! I have no fear of the consequences. (Stands l., 
arms folded back, partly turned to Abraham.) 

Abraham (aside). Well, I have. I guess I'll get out of her 
way. (Starts toward door r. 3 e. ) 

Robin (turns, sees Abraham going). Stop! don't go away. 

Abraham. Run away? I run away? Nonsense. (They 
stand l. and r. Silence for a moment, then look at each other.) 
It is really too bad, my keeping the agent of the villa waiting 
for me. 

Robin. And I have a most particular appointment. (They 
look at each other.) 

Abraham. Let us postpone this for the present. 

Robin. Agreed. (They make a break, Robin going towards 
l. 1 e., Abraham towards door r. 3E.) 

ENTER Dina, c.d. 

Dina. Father! Robin! (They stop, look at each other.) 
Mr. Jenkins said you wished to see me. 

Abraham. Yes — that is — no 

Dina (looking' from one to the other). Yes — no — there is 
some mystery here. 



The GM from Porto Rico i 9 

Abraham. Robin will tell you— I have an important engage- 
ment with the agent of a beautiful suburban villa and I must go. 
(Starts r.) 

Din a. Father! Stop! (To Robin) What is it, Robin? 

Robin. It's for your father to say. I decline to interfere. 
(Starts l.) 

Dina. Robin! Leave this room at your peril. (Robin stops.) 
Now, what is it Mr. Jenkins hinted at? It was something seri- 
ous and I demand the truth. 

Abraham (aside). Now for it. (Looks at the door as if 
measuring the distance.) Robin has insulted you. 

Robin (hastily). No, I didn't. (Shakes his fist at Abraham.) 

Abraham. That's so, he didn't. 

Robin. The fact of the matter is just this,— your father ob- 
jects to me as a son-in-law. 

Dina. Is this true, father? 

Abraham. Most decidedly. 

Dina. And you oppose my marriage? 

Abraham (nervously). Not exactly oppose, just object. 
(Robin makes signs to Abraham behind Dina, makes faces 
at him, and throws himself into positions, hoping to excite 
Abraham's anger.) 

Dina. Why object? 

Abraham. I have heard something which has angered me. 

Dina. What is it? (Robin makes frantic signs.) 

Abraham. I have promised not to tell. (Robin relieved.) 

Dina. Who is the author of this story? 

Abraham. I refuse to tell. 

Dina. Why ? 

Abraham. Why? Why? Because I don't know it. 

Dina. And you will place credence in some absurd story of 
an utter stranger? My mind is made up, Robin and I will be 
married. 

Abraham. I forbid the banns. I will not give my consent. 

Dina. Then we will be married without it. 

Robin (quickly). Oh, that is impossible; you are not of age. 
The marriage would not be legal. 

Dina. And I must have his consent? 

Robin. Absolutely necessary. 

Dina (quietly). Papa, I want your consent. 

Abraham. I cannot give it. 

Dina. Dear, good papa, give me your consent? (Robin 
makes signs to Abraham.) 

Abraham. Out of the question. 

Dina. For the last time, will you give your consent? 



20 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Abraham. Never ! 

Dina (in a rage). Then take the consequences. 

Abraham (in alarm). What are they? 

Dina. DEATH ! 

Abraham. Death! Oh, excuse me, I must see the agent of 
the villa. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Dina (going r.). Robin, we must fly together! 

Robin. I must fly alone. [EXIT c. d. to r. 

Dina (up to c. door, looking after Robin angrily). The 
coward! (Looks after Abraham.) And the t)^rant ! (Comes 
down stage l.) 

ENTER Vacant, door r. 3 e. Sees Dina. 

Vacant. Excuse me, have you seen Mr. Mite? 

Dina. I saw him a moment ago. 

Vacant. Where can I find him? 

Dina. I don't know ; I wish I did ! 

Vacant. Strange he should leave so unceremoniously. 

Dina. It would have been stranger if he had remained. 

Vacant. Then, you think he was scared out? 

Dina (pacing up and down). I know he was. 

Vacant. Too bad ; perhaps I should have proceeded more 
cautiously. 

Dina (stops, looks at him. Aside). Cautiously! What can 
he mean? (To Vacant) You have just had an interview with 
Mr. Mite? 

Vacant. Yes 

Dina. I am his daughter ; will you tell me the nature of that 
interview ? 

Vacant. His daughter? He particularly requested me to 
keep it a secret from you. 

Dina. He did? (Aside) I understand papa said it was a 
stranger that told him the story — this is the man. (To Vacant) 
Sir, I consider your conduct villainous. 

Vacant. Villainous ! I assure you I made him a fair propo- 
sition; I offered to sell it cheap. 

Dina. So, you are a blackmailer? You trade in secrets? 

Vacant. No shrewd man tells all he knows. 

Dina. What the absurd story is about you have told my 
father, I have no means of knowing, but you have done your 
work well ; go find my father, bring him here ; he shall see the 
awful result.. (Rushes off door l. 3E.) 

Vacant (stands, looks after her in astonishment) . What does 
it mean? The idea of her calling me a blackmailer! I am in- 



The Girl from Porto Rico 2 i 

dined to believe she is crazy, and that her father wishes to pur- 
chase a place in which to confine her. But I can't understand 
how she knew the villa had the reputation of being haunted. 
If she tells her father, the sale is off sure. What did she say 
about bringing him here? As if I am going to run like a 
servant to find her father. 

Dina (outside; sharply). Sarah — Sarah 

Vacant. She's coming back; on second thoughts I think I'll 
look for her father. [EXIT c. door to l. 



ENTER Dina, door l. 3 e v with two glasses, each half filled 

with milk. 

Dina. Now, to frighten my father into giving his consent. 
(Calls Sarah. Puts glasses on front of table c.) 
Sarah (off l.). Yes, Miss, I'm coming as fast as I can. 



ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Dina (tragically) . Sarah, do you see those glasses? 

Sarah. Yes, Miss, I can see them quite plain. 

Dina. Don't go near them. 

Sarah (frightened) . Why, Miss? 

Dina. That glass (pointing to the one on the right) contains 
poison. 

Sarah. Oh! Oh! Oh! (Suddenly changes tone.) What's 
in the other one? 

Dina. Only milk, to take the taste from my mouth. I'm 
going to have one last look at my mother's picture and farewell 
forever. [EXIT door l. 3 e. 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

Sarah. I always said she would do something desperate, 
McGinty. 

McGinty. What is it? 

Sarah. Run, run quick ! 

McGinty. What'll I run for? 

Sarah. Run for anything. 

McGinty. I'll run for alderman. 

Sarah. Run for a doctor. 

McGinty. Why ? 

Sarah. Miss Dina's going to take poison. 



22 The Girl from Porto Rico 

McGinty. Do what? 

Sarah. Commit suicide. (McGinty goes towards table c, 
Sarah pulls him l.) Come away from there. 

McGinty. Have ye gone crazy? 

Sarah (tragically imitating Dina). See that glass. (Points 
to one on table r.) 

McGinty. This one? (Touches glass.) 

Sarah. Don't touch it, it's poison. 

McGinty (pulls his hand azvay quickly). Poison? 

Sarah. Yes ; arsenic ! She's gone to have one last look at 
her mother's picture, and farewell forever. 

McGinty. She won't fare well if she takes that. It's my 
opinion, she's made it so hot for everybody, old Nick will do 
the same for her. What's in the other glass? 

Sarah. Just plain milk. I'll run for her father. 

[EXIT c to l., crying. 

ENTER Jack, d. c. from r. 

Jack (looks after Sarah at c d.). I say, McGinty, what is 
all the trouble? (Coming down c. towards table.) 

McGinty (pulling him away from table). Don't go near it — 
don't go near it 

Jack. Near what? 

McGinty. That glass. (Points to glasses on table.) 

Jack. Why? 

McGinty (trying to imitate Sarah). Poison! 

Jack. Poison ? 

McGinty. Yes; the one over on the right there. 

Jack. What is it for? 

McGinty. Miss Dina, she's going to commit susanside; one 
last look at her mother's picture, and then, farewell. 

Jack. McGinty, run for her father. 

(McGinty runs up to c. d.) 

Jack (standing behind table so McGinty couldn't see him, 
changes glasses; putting glass on the r. to the l v and the l. to 
the r. This must be done in full sight of the audience and very 
plainly). I can't allow her to kill herself, just when I've made 
up my mind to marry her. (Goes r.) 



ENTER Dina, door l. 3 e. 

Dina. Mr. Jenkins, leave here at once. 
Jack. Why ? 



The Girl from Porto Rico 23 

Dina. There is going to be a tragedy. 

Jack. Oh, I like tragedies; I'll stay and see the play. 

ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Sarah. Here comes your father, Miss. {Goes down l. c.) 
Dina {tragically). Ah! Then he is just in time. {Takes 
glass on r. of table, stands r. of table, Jack in R. corner.) 

ENTER Abraham, c. d., speaking as he enters. 

Abraham {goes down l. of table). Dina, what is this, Sarah 
has been telling me? You are about to take poison? 



ENTER Robin, Vacant and Violet. Robin stands up stage, 
r. of c. ; Vacant, l. of c. ; Violet at c. 

Dina {tragically) . She has told you, then? 
Abraham. But you will not be so rash? 
Dina. See this poison in my hand? Unless you consent to 
my marriage with Robin, I drink. 

Abraham. Eh? {Is about to say "yes" when he sees Jack 
in r. corner shaking his head to say "no.") Anything but that. 
I will not give my consent. 

Dina. Then farewell, unnatural father. {Drinks milk, stag- 
gers, puts glass on table.) 

(McGinty quietly goes down back of table c, points to 
empty glass, then to glass on l. of table, which he 
thinks is the plain milk, picks it up.) 
Dina. I die, father, I die. 
Jack. Not just yet. 
Dina. What do you mean? 

Jack. I changed the glasses — you didn't drink the poison. 
Dina {looks at table, sees other glass gone). Then who did? 
Jack {points to McGinty, who is drinking milk from other 
glass). McGinty! 

Sarah. Oh, McGinty, you're poisoned ! 

(McGinty puts down glass on table quickly, looks 
astonished, then commences to squirm and jerk, 
then has a burlesque fit, at the finish of which he 
falls on back, left of table, across stage; general 
confusion, and characters all talking. Abraham 



24 



The Girl from Porto Rico 

puts his foot on McGinty's stomach, supposed to 
press it. McGinty has a mouthful of milk, which 
he squirts up.) 

CURTAIN. 



Positions. 



Robin. 



Dina. 



Jack. 



Table. 
Violet. 



Vacant. 

Abraham. 



Sarah. 



McGinty lying down. 



ACT II. 



Scene. — Same setting as in Act I. 
of curtain, stage half dark. 



Three days later. At rise 



ENTER Sarah, c. d. 



Sarah. I'm the first up, I'll open the shutters. (EXIT c. d. 
to r., supposed to open shutters; stage light; RE-ENTER imme- 
diately.) I wonder if anything will happen to-day? We have 
had three whole days of quiet since that last fit of Miss Dina's. 
It's about time for her to break out again. 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

McGinty {yawning and stretching). Wow! 

Sarah. Oh, you are up at last? Why don't you go to bed 
early ? 

McGinty. How can I, when you give me such nice little 
suppers in the kitchen, after all the rest have gone to bed? 

Sarah. How do you feel this morning? 

McGinty. Just the same; I'm just waitin' to die every minute. 

Sarah. Pshaw! Miss Dina said she was only fooling; there 
wasn't any poison in the milk. 

McGinty. That's what she says. For what reason? I'll tell 
you, bekase if I died she'd have to answer for a charge of 
murder. Oh, I know. 



The Girl horn. Porto Rico 25 

Sarah. Well, if you're so wise, do you know what Mr. Robin 
means by staying away three whole days? 

McGinty. I do not. But I do know this : if I was in his 
place, I'd stay away three whole years. 

Sarah. Maybe he didn't go to Canada at all. 

McGinty. Well, they say Canada is a cold place, and after 
that last ruction, I wouldn't blame him for trying to cool off. 

Sarah. Maybe he's skipped ; it wouldn't be the first time such 
things have happened. (A low knocking is heard off r. ; They 
look at each other frightened.) What's that? 

McGinty. I dunno, listen. (They listen; knocking is re- 
peated.) It's some one at the door. 

Sarah. Why don't they ring the bell? 

McGinty. They don't want to disturb us. 

Sarah. Bosh ! How do they expect to get in, then ? (Sud- 
denly.) I know what it means — Mr. Robin has come back, and 
he wants to find out from us how the land lays, before he ven- 
tures to see Miss Dina. 

McGinty. I belave you're right; you go to the door, I'll stay 
here; if it's a burglar, you holler, and I'll come to your rescue. 

Sarah. You're very brave. If it's a burglar, you can stay 
where you are, and I'll slap his face. [EXIT c. door to r. 

McGinty. I belave she'd do it; that's what I admire, her 
bravery. (Looks off c. d. to r.) Be the Powers, it's Mr. Robin 
and that friend of his, but, my, oh, my, they're sneaking in like 
burglars for all the world. (Goes down to l.) 



ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Sarah (speaking in a whisper). Come right in, there's no- 
body here. 

ENTER Jack and Robin, c. d. 

McGinty (with dignity). Excuse yourself, I'm here 



Sarah. Oh, you're nobody. (Comes down stage r.) 
McGinty (offended). Oh, ain't I? Let me tell you- 



Jack (coming down). Here, now, don't quarrel; we have 
something better for you to do. (To McGinty and Sarah) 
How would you like to make five dollars? 

McGinty. Don't waste time asking us, just tell us how? 

Jack. In the first place, Mr. Mite and his daughter must not 
know we are here. In the next place, Mr. Dodd wants five 
minutes' conversation with Violet without interruption. Well, 



26 The Girl from Porto Rico 

here's the money. (Gives bill to Sarah.) Now, off you go, 
both of yon. Sarah, you to tell Miss Violet ; and, McGinty, you 
to watch and warn us of any danger. (Sarah and McGinty go 
up stage; Jack drops down r. to corner.) 

Robin (who has been standing, looking off c. door). Yes, 
McGinty, particularly warn us of the approach of Miss Dina. 
(Goes down l. ) 

McGinty (in c. d. with Sarah). She's dangerous enough, 
Miss Dina Mite. (Sarah and McGinty imitate an explosion, 
They laugh, and EXIT c. d. to l.) 

Robin (l.). I'm terribly nervous. 

Jack (laughing). Nonsense; be a man. Haven't I made up 
my mind to marry Dina? And if you are caught my hopes end in 
smoke. 

Robin. And if I fail to persuade Violet to elope with me, my 
hopes end in the same way. 

Jack. You're faint-hearted, and faint heart, etc. Now, don't give 
her a chance to say no; just carry Violet off, get married as 
quickly as possible. I'll follow out our plans, — tell Dina you 
are dead, — then while her heart is tender with grief I'll lay 
siege and capture it. 

ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Sarah. Miss Violet is coming. [EXIT c. d. to r. 

Robin. Out of the way, Jack. If I want your help I'll call 
you. 

Jack. All right. (Going r.) But I don't care to waste any 
ammunition on Violet; I want to save it all for Dina, my Dina. 

[EXIT r. i e. 

ENTER Violet, c. d. from l. 

Violet. Mr. Dodd, what does this mean? 

Robin. It means I've decided to throw off the yoke; to be a 
free man once more. 

Violet. I thought you started three days ago for Canada? 

Robin (embarrassed, laughs nervously). Oh — yes — but — I'm 
still here. There is an attraction, a magnet, that holds me in 
spite of myself. 

Violet. I see, Dina. 

Robin (jumps). You see Dina? Where? (Looks around.) 

Violet. No — no — I mean, I understand she is the attraction. 

Robin (hastily). Oh, no, she is not; you might have made 
a better guess. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 27 

Violet. I'm not good at guessing. 

Robin. Have you forgotten our conversation in this room, 
three days ago? 

Violet (as if thinking). I really must confess I have. 

Robin (dramatically). Did it make so little impression on 
you? I have lived on it for three whole days. 

Violet. Lived on what? 

Robin. Our conversation. 

Violet. I think you do look pale and thin. 

Robin. Don't jest, this is serious. 

Violet. What do you mean? 

Robin (posing). Marriage. 

Violet (laughing). I agree with you; that is serious. 

Robin. Now you are laughing again. 

Violet. Well, why don't you laugh too? 

Robin. It isn't my turn to laugh. Violet, you promised me 
when I had broken off with Dina you would listen to me. 

Violet. Have you? 

Robin. Forever. 

Violet. Have you told her so? 

Robin. What ! Told her ? I am not such a fool. 

Violet. Until you do, don't dare to speak to me of love. 

Robin (hastily). Oh, I'm going to tell her by proxy. 

Violet. Is that the way you want to court and marry me? 

Robin. Oh, no; I'll do that personally. 

Violet. And so you must personally break off with Dina 
first. 

Robin. Jack Jenkins insists upon doing it for me. 

Violet. I presume he had a hard time to persuade you to 
consent to this arrangement? 

Robin. Oh, no — I — mean — yes But, you see, Jack has 

taken the notion of marrying Dina himself. 

Violet. What ? 

Robin. Oh, yes, quite gone on her; thinks that if he breaks 
the news, he can sympathize with her, etc., and then take her 
by storm. 

Violet. It will be a new experience for Dina to be taken by 
storm; she usually attends to that part herself. 

Robin. That is just what I told Jack, but he insists. 

Violet. Well, we will wait and see if he succeeds. 

Robin. But you don't understand. Jack thinks there is no 
chance for him while I am in the way, and so has determined to 
have me out of the way. 

Violet. By marrying me? 

Robin. Or killing me. 



28 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Violet. You are not in earnest? 

Robin. Dead earnest. 

Violet. Do you mean to say your best friend would murdei 
you? 

Robin. In cold blood — oh, you don't know Jack. Once he 
sets his mind on anything, he will have it, no matter what the 
cost. 

Violet. I thought him original, but not bloodthirsty. 

Robin. You don't know him. 

Violet. I think it my duty to warn Dina, he may kill her. 

Robin (hastily). Oh, no! He wouldn't harm any one he 
cared for. 

Violet. Why, you introduced him as your best friend. 

Robin (puzzled). Oh — yes — so I did; but, you see, he is 
placed in a peculiar position : he did care for me as a friend, 
but he loves Dina. I don't think anything else would tempt 
him to harm me. 

Violet. Good gracious, what a friend! 



ENTER Jack, quickly, r. i e. 

Jack (looking at watch). I say, Robin, you can't have any 
more time. (Robin makes signs for Jack to keep still.) 

Violet. What ! 

Robin (aside, to Violet). He is impatient for me to go and 
leave a clear field for him. 

Violet (aside, to Robin). He sha'n't scare me. (To Jack) 
Mr. Dodd has just told me of your wild plans to marry Dina, 
but there is an obstacle. 

Jack. Then I will remove it. 

Robin (aside, to Violet). He means I must consent, or he 
will kill me. 

(POSITIONS: Violet l., Robin a, Jack r.) 

Violet (to Robin). The wretch! (To Jack) Sir, this is an 
awful thing you are contemplating. 

Jack (laughing). Oh, not very. (Robin up c, making signs 
to Jack; he doesn't notice him.) 

Violet. Do you look upon it so lightly? 

Jack. Certainly ! Everybody will be happier when it is all 
over. 

Violet. All over? Think of the risk! 

Jack. Oh, I'll succeed. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 29 

Violet. But the consequences? 

Jack. I'm willing to take them. 

Violet. And nothing will induce you to alter your purpose? 

Jack. Nothing. 

Robin (aside, to Violet). You see, you must marry me to 
save my life. Say "y es "? 

Violet (to Robin). Not yet. (To Jack) Dina will never 
forgive me if I marry Robin. 

Jack. Oh, yes, she will. I flatter myself inside a week she'll 
forget all about Robin. 

Robin (aside). I like that! 

Violet (to Jack). Then why should I marry him? Let him 
disappear for a few days. 

Jack. Oh, that won't do at all ; Dina will never consent to 
marry me while Robin is in the field. No, he must either get 
married or die. 

Violet (agitated). Die? (Staggers as if about to fall. Robin 
catches her.) 

Robin (aside, to Violet). Consent, or I perish. 

Violet (aside, to Robin). Yes — yes — to save your life. 

Robin (quickly). Get a hat, and slip out the back way; meet 
me at the corner in five minutes. (Takes her up to CD.) 

Violet. Oh ! I feel so guilty. 

Robin. Remember, it is to save my life. 

[EXIT Violet, c. d. to l. 

Robin (capering about). Hurrah! We've won. 

Jack. You mean, you have. 

Robin. By your help. (Slaps Jack on back.) You did it 
beautifully. 

Jack. Did what? 

Robin. Carried out the scheme ; you couldn't have said any- 
thing better if we had rehearsed it. 

Jack. What the deuce are you talking about? 

Robin (laughing). I told Violet you were determined to 
marry Dina, if you had to kill me to do it. 

Jack. And she believed you? 

Robin. Of course, especially when, you corroborated me. 

Jack. I did nothing of the kind. 

Robin. Oh, yes, you did ; you said I must either marry or die, 
and a whole lot of things. 

Jack. And she believed me a would-be assassin? 

Robin (laughing). She did. 

Jack. Well, I'll soon undeceive her. (Starts up.) 

Robin (alarmed). Hold on! (Jack stops.) What are you 
going to do? 



30 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Jack. Tell her the truth. 

Robin. And ruin my chances of marrying her? Oh, no, you 
won't; you keep still, or I don't budge an inch, and your hopes 
of Dina are gone. 

Jack (hesitates). Well, I suppose it's a bargain. 

Abraham (speaks outside r. 3 e. as if very sleepy). Who is 
that talking? (Jack and Robin look at each other.) 

Robin. The old gentleman. 

Jack. We had better be off. 

Abraham (off r.). Is that you, McGinty? 

Jack. No, it ain't McGinty. But I guess we had better dis- 
appear like he did. (Laugh, goes up to c.d. with Robin.) 

Robin. Remember, you are to telegraph me as soon as you 
marry her. 

Jack. All right. 



ENTER Sarah, c.d. 

Sarah. You had best hurry, Miss Dina is coming. 

Robin. Then I'm going. [EXIT quickly, c d. 

Abraham (outside r. 3E.). McGinty — McGinty — I say. 



ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

McGinty. Yes, sir, I'm coming. (To Jack) The old man 
will be out in a minute. 

Jack. I'm off; remember, not one word of our being here. 
I will return shortly, and then America will once more conquer 
Porto Rico. [EXIT d. r. 



ENTER Abraham, door r. 3 e. 

Abraham (testily). Sarah, get my shaving water. 

Sarah. Yes, sir. [EXIT quickly, c d. to l. 

Abraham (severely, to McGinty). McGinty, go get my razor 
and cup. (McGinty starts.) And, McGinty (McGinty stops), 
I expect Mr. Vacant. If you leave that front door, you leave 
the house. 

McGinty. I'll glue myself to it. [EXIT McGinty, door r. 3 e. 

Abraham. Oh, dear, I wonder if I shall ever find a villa that 
suits me? Vacant has shown me two, but neither of them were 
exactly what I wanted; I dreamed of it again last night. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 3 1 

ENTER McGinty, do or r. 3 e._, with shaving mug, brush and 

razor. 

McGinty. Here's the implements of torture, I mean the 
scraping apparatus. 

Abraham. On the mantel. 

McGinty. Yes, sir. (Puts things on mantel over fireplace.) 

Abraham. Where is Sarah with that hot water? (Noise 
outside.) Ah! there she comes. (Noise louder.) No, that 

is too noisy for Sarah My daughter is coming. (Goes a 

little r. McGinty extreme r v near -fireplace.) 



ENTER Dina, c. d. from l v speaking as she enters. 

Dina. Papa! What do you think? Just after I arose I 
opened the window for a little air, and what do you think I 
saw? 

Abraham. The sun. (Laughs, as if a good joke.) 

Dina. Papa! (Abraham sobers up quickly.) I'm not jok- 
ing; I thought I saw Robin. Of course, I knew I was mistaken, 
for Robin is in Canada. (Sees McGinty laughing.) Mr. 
McGinty ! 

McGinty (sobers up quickly, starts up stage to c. d. Aside). 
Wow ! 

Dina (severely). McGinty, I wish to speak to you. 

McGinty. Master orders I'm to stick to the front door. 

[EXIT c d. to r. 

ENTER Sarah, c. d. from l., with pitcher. 

Sarah. Hot water, sir. 

Abraham. You've been a blessed long time getting it; put 
it on the mantel. (Sarah goes to mantel, puts pitcher on it, and 
starts up c. ) 

Abraham. Dina, this room is nice and light; you don't mind 
my shaving here, do you? 
Dina. No. (To Sarah) Sarah, any letters? 
Sarah. No, Miss, and the postman has been by this half hour. 

[EXIT c. a to R. 

(Abraham puts towel around his neck, mixes lather, 

etc., preparing to shave.) 

Dina (to herself). It's very strange. Three days since Robin 

went to Canada, and not a line — not a word — oh, if I wasn't 

sure of his love; but perhaps some accident; there are so many 



32 The Gitl from Poi'to Rico 

on those dreadful railways. (Goes suddenly up to her father, 
who is shaving.) Papa! (Paces up and down.) 

Abraham. Don't go stamping about the room in that way 
— you shake the looking glass. 

Dina. Oh, papa, you don't know what love is. 

Abraham. Don't I, though? I knew what love was before 
you were born. 

Dina. Three whole months since I first met Robin. Three 
whole months have we been kept waiting to be married, by 
these horrid forms and formalities. Why can't people get mar- 
ried without stupid formality. 

Abraham. Well, some people do manage without it 

Dina. What? 

Abraham. But they are wrong, my dear, very wrong. 

Dina. Well, when he does come back, there will be no obstacle 
then ? 

Abraham. Oh, won't there, though? 

Dina. What? There will be, papa? 

Abraham (cutting himself with razor). There, you've done it. 

Dina. Done what? 

Abraham. I've cut myself; I knew I should. 

Dina (takes tozvel, wipes his face roughly). There, papa, it's 
nothing. 

Abraham. I know it's not, but it stings for all that. (Yells) 
Here, McGinty. 

Dina. Don't bellow so. 

Abraham. You would bellow if you were bleeding to death. 
Where's my alum water? 

Dina (seizing bottle on mantel). There it is. (Pulls cork, 
sops it on Abraham's chin.) 

Abraham. Ouch! Ouch! (Hopping about.) That isn't alum 
water. 

Dina (looks at it). Why, no; it's Bromo-Caffeine. (Laughs.) 

Abraham. That's right, laugh, laugh, laugh at your poor old 
suffering father. (Yells) McGinty! McGinty! 



ENTER McGinty, quickly, c. d. 

McGinty. What is it, a fire? 

Abraham. Yes, fire; throw this bottle out of the window. 
(Seizes bottle from Dina and gives it to McGinty.) And get 
my alum water. 

McGinty. Yes, sir. [EXIT door r. 3 e. 

Dina. Don't make such a fuss, papa ; it will soon stop. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 33 

ENTER McGinty, quickly, door r. 3 e., with bottle. 

McGinty (gives bottle to Abraham). There! 

Abraham. It will stop, now that I have the alum water. 
(Sops his face and puts bottle on mantel.) Oh, I must have a 
villa, where I can live tranquil and alone. McGinty, keep your 
eye on the door. 

McGinty. I'll keep both eyes on 'em. [EXIT c. d. to R. 

Abraham. Now, look here, Dina, if you talk to me, talk to 
me at a distance ; I can always hear much better a little way off. 

Dina. Oh, very well. (Walking about.) 

Dina. Papa, papa? 

Abraham. Well, what now? 

Dina. But you said there was an obstacle; what is it? What 
more is wanting? 

Abraham. My consent. 

Dina. You will not give it? 

Abraham. No. 

Dina, No? (Snatches razor from mantel.) Unnatural 
father. 

Abraham. What has she got there? (Sees razor.) Good 
gracious, my razor ! 

Dina (pacing up and down, brandishing razor, Abraham 
following her). Oh! 

Abraham. Will you give me that razor? 

Dina. Will you give your consent? 

Abraham. No ! 

Dina (flourishing razor). No? 

Abraham. Yes, I consent. 

Dina (throwing razor on ground and rushing into father's 
arms). Oh, thank you! You good little papa. 

Abraham. Now you want to strangle me. (Puts razor, which 
he has picked up, in his pocket quickly.) 

Dina. But I can't understand his silence, can you, papa? 
Three whole days, and not a line, not a word. (Rings bell on 
table.) I know what I shall do, I'll write to him at once, and if 
I don't get an answer by return mail, off I start for Canada. 

ENTER Sarah, c. d. from r. 

Dina. Sarah, I'm at home to nobody, do you hear, to nobody. 

[EXIT door l. 3 e. 
Abraham. And to think that I should be the father of that 
flash of lightning. Sarah, my coat and hat. 

Sarah. Directly, sir. [EXIT r. 3 e. 



34 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Abraham (alone on stage). Let her marry her Robin and be 
hanged. What does it matter to me? Anything for a quiet 
life. (Takes off dressing gown.) 

ENTER Sarah, r. 3 e., with hat and coat. 

Sarah. Here's your hat and coat, sir. Shall you dine at 
home, sir? 

Abraham. I don't know, perhaps I may, perhaps I mayn't. 
Take my dressing gown to my room, Sarah. 

[EXIT Sarah, r. 3 e. 

Abraham. Now for an hour's peace. [EXIT c. d. to r. 

ENTER Sarah, r. 3 e. 

Sarah. Now, that's a good sort of man ; you may lead him 
by the nose like a baby ; but his daughter, oh, my stars ! I don't 
envy little Robin when he comes to be her husband. (Bell rings 
off r.) Who's that, I wonder? (Looks off c. d.) It's Mr. Robin's 
friend. Now, what's up? 

ENTER Jack, c. d. 

Jack. Ah, Sarah, you are just the girl I want. 

Sarah (slyly). I thought by the way you was making eyes at 
Miss Dina she was the one you wanted. 

Jack. Sarah, you are a mind reader — go to your mistress. 

Sarah (quickly). Law, sir, I can't do that; she said most 
positive she was at home to nobody. 

Jack. That's me. 

Sarah. Then nobody will have to wait. (Up to c.) I wouldn't 
beard the lion in her den, not for a fortune. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Jack. I'm not going to offer you one. Well, Robin and Violet 
are off to Hoboken to be married, and now comes the delicate 
part of the affair. When her heart is tender with grief I will 
sympathize with her; her tears shall mingle with mine — only 
mine will be counterfeit. In a few weeks, by constant attention 
and devotion, I hope to carry off the prize. 

Dina (calls off door l. 3E.). Sarah — Sarah! 

Jack. Here she comes; now for the conquest of Porto Rico. 
(Down r. corner.) 

ENTER Dina, l. 3 e., with letter, speaking as she enters. 

Dina. I've written the letter. Sarah shall post it for me. 
(Going towards c. door.) 
Jack. Ahem ! 



The Girl from Porto Rico 35 

Dina (sees Jack). Mr. Jenkins! You here? (Sits l. of 
table. ) 

Jack. At your service. (Aside) By Jove, she's a daisy. (To 
Dina) I have a very important communication to make to you. 
I have just come back from Canada. (Sits R. of table.) 

Dina (jumps up, and in doing so knocks over her chair; Jack, 
frightened, does the same). From Canada? 

Jack (aside). I was too sudden. (To Dina) Yes, from Can- 
ada, where I was staying with my friend Robin. 

Dina. And why isn't he here with me, as he promised, as he 
swore? Why doesn't he write to me? Tell me, why? 

Jack (aside). How grand she is when she is in a passion. 

Dina. Will you answer? Will you answer? 

Jack. With pleasure. (Aside) I must be very serious. (To 
Dina) Robin is still in Canada, and he charged me to break to 
you the reason of his absence. 

Dina. Break to me? Well, go on, warm up, warm up! 

Jack (aside). I wish she would cool off. 

Dina. Go on, sir, go on. 

Jack (aside). I must go slow. (To Dina) Robin told you, 
I believe, that business took him to Canada. 

Dina. And didn't it? Has he deceived me? 
i Jack. No, no, not exactly; only as to the object of his journey. 
There are but two things that would take a man to Canada 

Dina. And they are — — 



Jack. Either to avoid his creditors 

Dina. Ruined ? 

Jack. No, that is not his case. 

Dina. Or? 

Jack. Or to fight a duel. 

Dina. A duel? Was that the object of his journey? 

Jack. It was 

Dina. And he is wounded? 

Jack. Ah! (Shakes his head.) 

Dina. Tell me it is nothing — tell me it is nothing at all. 

Jack. Nothing at all? No, I can't. Ah, if you only knew. 

Dina. What? 

Jack (aside). Now is my time. 

Dina. Robin ! 

Jack. Robin ! 

Dina. Dead? 

Jack. Ah ! 

Dina. Dead ? Ah ! 



(Jack remains for a moment without answering, then 
turns and buries his head in his hands.) 



36 The Gitl from Porto Rico 

Jack (aside). Hello! I've been too sudden; she has actually 
fainted. By Jove, how stupid that is now: I'd better call some- 
body. No, no, we mustn't let anybody else into the secret; what 
shall I do? I'll cut her corset string. No, I can't do that. How 
pretty she is — pretty ? No, she isn't pretty, she's beautiful ; how 
beautiful we all look when we faint. What a fool that Robin 
must be to neglect such a — her color's coming again, she's re- 
viving: I think I'll be off. No, I won't, I'll see the end of it, 
I'm determined. 

Dina. Where am I? 

Jack (aside). I wonder why they all ask that? (To Dina) 
Madam ? 

Dina. Who speaks? Who are you? Ah 

Jack. Be calm, I beg. 

Dina. That voice — that horrible voice ! 

Jack. Thank you. 

Dina. Ah, I know now. My dear little Robin, my life, my 

soul, dead — dead (Sobbing. Suddenly rising, wiping her 

eyes.) But enough of this weakness; no more tears. What? A 
monster has killed my Robin, and I weep, instead of avenging 
him. Sir, you were the second in this duel? Were you not? 

Jack. Yes; that is to say — exactly — I — did all — I — could — but, 
alas 

Dina. Then you know the motive? 

Jack. The motive? Yes — of course 

Dina. Well, speak — the motive? 

Jack. A foul stroke. 

Dina. A foul stroke ? 

Jack. Yes, at billiards ; you know Robin adored billiards. I'll 
explain it all to you ; Robin only wanted two points 

Dina. Enough. (Aside) There's no woman in the case, so 
it doesn't matter. (To Jack) And his adversary? 

Dina, His name — his adversary's name. (Impatient.) 

Jack. Whose name? 

Dina. The name of Robin's assassin. 

Jack. I swear to you upon my honor I don't know. 

Dina. It is false. 

Jack. Madam ! 

Dina. It's impossible. 

Jack. Well, that is better 



Dina. I will know his name; where did they fight? 

Jack. Where ? 

Dina. You don't know that either, perhaps? 

Jack. Yes — yes, of course, only (aside) where did they 
fight? 



The Girl from Porto Rico 37 

Dina (aside). He's more and more confused. 

Jack. It was on a cliff. Do you know Canada? 

Dina (impatient). No 

Jack (aside). Neither do I. (To Dina) Well, when you 
get to Canada — you take the train — and then — you come to a 
long bridge — then you cross the bridge 

Dina. That will do — pass the bridge. 

Jack. Yes, you've got to pass the bridge to get into Can- 
ada. 

Dina. What time does the train start for Canada? 

Jack. What time? Oh, there are several trains. 

Dina. Then, we'll go by the first. 

Jack. We ? 

Dina. Yes, we. You shall conduct me to the cliff, you shall 
aid me in the search, and together we will discover Robin's 
assassin. 

Jack. Well, but really, madam 

Dina. You refuse? 

Jack. No, but 

Dina. A line to my father, a small valise, and off we go 

Jack. You and I alone? 

Dina. With my father, of course. Swear that you'll wait 
here for me. 

Jack. Certainly — only, perhaps on reflection you may 

Dina. Swear ! 

Jack. I swear. 

Dina. By what? 

Jack. By the shade of Robin. 

Dina. Thank you. (Taking his hand.) I'll not be a minute, 
then off we'll start for Canada. Remember your promise. 

Jack. Yes. 

Dina. Swear ! 

Jack. I swear. [EXIT Dina, quickly, l. 3 e. 

Jack. Well, I am in a fix ; a journey to Canada, only to be 
found out in a lie, hang it all, and with her father, too. No, 
that's going a little too far; 'this joke has lasted long enough. 
I'm off. (Goes to c. door, meets Abraham, who is entering.) 

ENTER Abraham, c. d. 

Abraham. Hello ! What, Jack Jenkins ! I thought you were 
in Canada? 

Jack. Oh, I got back this morning; I've had the pleasure 
of announcing to your daughter some very sad news. 

Abraham. Indeed! What was it? 



38 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Jack. No, no, I've had enough for one morning; I can't begin 
again, she'll tell you all about it. 

Abraham (holding Jack back). Mr. Jenkins, remember, sir, 
I'm her father. 

Jack (aside). So he is, and father of a bewildering daughter. 
(To Abraham) Robin has just been killed in a duel. 

Abraham (joyfully dancing about and singing). Nonsense! 

Jack (astonished). What? 

Abraham. No ! I don't mean that, of course. I'm sorry — 
poor boy — deeply sorry — poor fellow — only, you see (joyfully), 
it suits my arrangement. 

Jack. Really? 

Abraham. Yes. He didn't suit me at all, and I'm sure my 
daughter would have been wretched with him. In my character 
of individual I regret it, but in my character of a father I'm 
delighted. 

Jack (aside). The deuce he is! Ah, then, I may let him into 
the secret. (To Abraham, mysteriously) Hush! Robin is just 
as well as you or I. 

Abraham. What? Robin, who was killed in a duel? 

Jack. Not a bit of it; there was no duel. 

Abraham. So much the worse. 

Jack. In one word, Robin repents the promise he made your 
daughter; he wishes to break off, you understand? 

Abraham. Go on. 

Jack. And to escape her vengeance, he induced me to see her 
and announce his death; I've just done it beautifully — a duel 
in Canada, etc. 

Abraham. Good gracious, what a rage she must have been in. 
I hope she hasn't hurt you. 

Jack. Oh, no; she cried a good deal and fainted a little; her 
sorrow was sublime. And what do you think? We're going to 
Canada together. 

Abraham. Who? 

Jack. Your daughter and I 

Abraham. My daughter? 

Jack. Yes ; and you — all three of us. 

Abraham. She smells a rat. 

Jack. Not at all ; she fell souse into the trap, but she vows 
vengeance on the head of Robin's assassin. She insists that I 
shall give her up the name of the murderer. (Dina appears 
at door, listening, l. 3E.) But at present Robin's only assassin 
is myself. 

Dina (aside). What do I hear? 

Jack. You may judge the scrape I'm in. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 39 

Dina {aside). Scrape? 

_ Abraham. Why didn't you tell her the first name that came 
into your head? 

Jack. No name did come into my head. Of course, I couldn't 
say / had killed him. 

Dina {aside). What mystery is this? 

Jack. I nearly betrayed myself a dozen times. I was in an 
awful fright, for I wouldn't have her know the truth for the 
world. 

Dina {aside). I dread to hear why. 
Abraham. Why not? 

Jack. Ah, that's the point, Mr. Mite ; I love that tumultuous 
child. 

Dina {aside). What? 

Jack. Yes, I adore those exotic plants, I adore foreign wares, 
foreign wines, foreign spirits; I hate milk-and-water girls. 

Abraham. Really? You love my daughter? 

Jack. Passionately. 

Dina {aside). He loves me, oh, horrors! 

Abraham. My dear Mr. Jenkins {Aside) His father is 

rich. {To Jack) I feel flattered by your offer— but 

Jack. You refuse? 

Abraham. I accept. (They shake hands.) 

Dina {aside). What a discovery; I know what / shall do. 

Abraham. Well, if Dina says yes— stop, a capital idea— we're 
all going to Canada, ain't we ? Well, we will all travel together ; 
you pay attention, sympathize with her. 

Jack. I see— capital— thank you, Mr. Mite, I am the happiest 
of men. 

^ Abraham. No, you're not ; I'm the happiest of men. I've got 
rid of that horrid little Robin. Oh, how kind of you to kill him. 

Dina {aloud). Ah! 

Jack {seeing Dina). Hush, she is here; attention. 

Abraham {aside). You are right; we must put on an air of 
sorrow. {Approaches Dina, putting handkerchief to eyes.) 
Dina — Dina 

Dina {who has been standing as if lost in thought). Who 
calls me? 

Abraham. Nobody — that is to say, nobody in particular — your 
father, your poor old father, but let us go. 

Dina. Go where? 

Abraham. To Canada. 

Dina. Why there? 

Abraham. Why, you know, Jack Jenkins has just told me 

Dina. Ah ! then you know all ? 



40 The Girl from Potto Rico 

Abraham. I know all, wretched fate ! 

Dina. And you regret him, do you not? 

Abraham. Bitterly; and the proof is that I'm ready to help 
you in your search. 

Dina. My search ! What search ? 

Abraham. Why, ain't we going to seek out the assassin? 

Dina (crosses to Jack). The assassin — Robin's assassin 

(Makes a start for Jack; he is frightened, steps back.) What's 
the matter, Mr. Jenkins? 

Jack. Oh — oh — nothing — nothing 

Dina. One would think you were embarrassed. 

Jack. Oh, no, not at all — only— — 

Dina (aside). His remorse overwhelms him. (To Jack) 
You were his friend, were you not? I say you were his friend? 
(Springs at him.) 

Abraham. Oh, never mind that now, we shall have time to 
talk about that on the train. 

Dina. Train! What train? 

Abraham. Why, didn't Jenkins — Mr. Jenkins, tell me that 
you 

Dina. Oh, yes, yes, I did at first, but I've changed my mind; 
I'm not going. 

Jack. Not going? 

Dina. Why should I? I implored him not to make this trip 
—he would not listen to me ; had he loved me, he would have 
been alive and I should be a happy wife instead of a forlorn 
creature. (Hangs head sadly.) 

Jack. There is no reason why you should be so ; others love 
you as well, — yes, far better than Robin did. 

Dina (pretending surprise). Mr. Jenkins, what do you mean? 

Jack. That I have learned to love you, dared to hope that 
some day I might win you for my wife. 

Dina. You love me? 

Jack. Dearly. 

Dina. And you would marry me? 

Jack. I would only be too happy. 

Dina. When? 

Jack. Any time you may say — the sooner the better. 

Dina. It shall be as you wish. 

Jack. May I ask when? 

Dina. At once. 

Jack. What ! 

Dina. Didn't you say the sooner the better? 

Jack. Yes, but 

Dina. Oh, you were trifling with me. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 4 J 

Jack. On my honor I was not. 

Dina. Then it shall be now or never. 

Jack. Then let it be now. 

Dina. Very well. Papa, Mr. Jenkins and I will take a cab 
and go across to Hoboken and be married ; we will be back in 
half an hour or so. 

Jack (aside). Hoboken! Great Caesar! We may meet Robin 
and Violet. 

Dina. Mr. Jenkins, I will be ready in a few moments. 

[EXIT door l. 3 E. 

Jack (To Abraham). What is the meaning of this? 

Abraham. Hang me if I know. A sudden whim ; she's sub- 
ject to them. 

Jack. She's taken my breath away ; I hardly know what 
to do. 

Abraham. You said you wanted to marry her. 

Jack. So I do. But I wasn't prepared for this catch-as-catch- 
can style of affair. 

Abraham. If your intentions are honorable, you had best take 
her while she is in the humor. 

Jack. But, hang it all, Robin has just gone to Hoboken. 

Abraham. What ! 

Jack. Yes ; we might meet them. 

Abraham. Well, take chances — or, better still, if you know 
where he is, telegraph him. 

Jack. That's so; I was to wire him if I succeeded, but he 
will be astonished when he learns how quickly it was done. 

Abraham. He certainly won't feel complimented at the length 
of time she was in mourning for him. (Laughs.) 

Jack (suddenly). She will be with me; I won't get an oppor- 
tunity to telegraph him. (Takes out card and pencil, writes.) 
Here is his address; you must do this for me; sign my name. 
(Hands card to Abraham.) 

Abraham (chuckling). He never was a favorite of mine, but 
I'll send this message to him with pleasure. 



ENTER Dina, door l. 3 e., with hat on. 

Dina. Come, Mr. Jenkins, I'm ready. 
Jack. So am I ! So off we go. (Up c.d. with Dina.) 
Dina. Good-by, papa. 

Jack. Good-by, papa. [EXIT with Dina, c. d. to r. 

Abraham. Papa! Well, he's in the family now and no mis- 
take. What can have possessed Dina? (Suddenly.) Oh, I'm 



42 The Girl from Porto Rico 

forgetting Robin's telegram; I'll send it at once and invite him 
to the wedding supper. (Chuckles.) Not that I want him, but it 
will take some of the conceit out of him. (Calls) McGinty! 
Sarah ! Sarah ! McGinty ! 



ENTER McGinty, c. d. from R. 

McGinty (very indignant). Mr. Mite, sir — I don't like to 
be called Sarah McGinty. 

Abraham. You idiot, I was calling Sarah. 
McGinty (very dignified). I accept your apology. 

Abraham. What ! 

Sarah (off l.). Coming, sir. 



ENTER Sarah, c. d. from l. 

Sarah. Did you call? 

Abraham. I was under that impression. Listen, both of you: 
I'm going out ; if Mr. Vacant calls, tell him to wait, and make it 
pleasant for him; and I have news for you: my daughter has 
gone to be married. 

Sarah. To Mr. Robin? 

Abraham. Robin ! no ; to Mr. Jenkins. 

McGinty. Well, all the fools are not dead yet. 

Abraham (indignant). Do you mean to say Mr. Jenkins is 
a fool to marry my daughter? 

McGinty (quickly). Well, what do you think about it? 

Abraham. Eh? (Crustily.) None of your business. (Going 
up to CD.) I'm going; remember what I've said about Mr. 
Vacant, and don't get so interested kissing each other that you 
will forget to open the door. If you must kiss, and will kiss, go 
down into the front hall, where you will be sure to hear the bell, 
and do your kissing there. [EXIT c. d. to r. 

McGinty. The old skinflint! I belave he's jealous. 

Sarah (offended). See what your kissing has done — imposed 
me to re-dic-cool. 

McGinty. But ye liked it, ye know ye did. 

Sarah. How can you say that? You know you forced your 
pretentions on me. 

McGinty. Well, I notice that my lips were the first to break 
away. But you heard what the old man said about going down 
into the hall? So come along, we'll go in wholesale and bust the 
sugar trust. 



The Girl from Porto Rico"! 43 

Sarah. We'll do nothing of the kind ; you are like all the men ; 
just try to trifle with us young girls' confections. 

McGinty. I swear 

Sarah. Don't swear. 

McGinty. Oh, let me swear. (Bell rings off r.) There's that 
dreadful bell. [EXIT quickly, c. d. to r. 

Sarah. Of course, some one must come just when we had 
a little time to ourselves. (Down l.) 

McGinty (off r.) Come right in. 

ENTER McGinty, c. d v followed by Vacant. McGinty goes 
down r., Vacant c. 

McGinty. Master said you were to wait for him and for us 
to make it pleasant for you. 

Vacant (looks at McGinty suspiciously). Pleasant for me! 
What do you mean? 

McGinty. Just what I say. Ain't my English good? 

Vacant. English! You mean Irish. (Laughs.) Good 
joke, eh? 

McGinty (getting mad). Oh, yes. (Pretends to laugh.) Did 
you ever have any trouble with an Irishman? 

Vacant. Why, no — why do you ask? 

McGinty. Bekase when ye have trouble with an Irishman 
ye want to climb a tree, and my advice to you is to get your 
eye on a tree. (Looks at him threateningly.) 

Vacant (hastily). Oh, my good man, you misunderstand me; 
I meant no offence, only a little joke. 

McGinty. I accept your apology. But I'll be even with you 
for it. 

Vacant (nervously) . Will Mr. Mite be long absent? 

Sarah. Oh, no, sir, he'll be coming right back; sit down. 
(Vacant sits l. of table.) 

Vacant. Is his daughter any better? 

McGinty. What's the matter with her? 

Vacant. She seemed excitable. 

Sarah. I should say she was. 

McGinty. Rather. 

Vacant. Dangerous ? 

McGinty. Indeed, no one knows that better than me; why, 
she tried to poison me three days ago ! 

Vacant. Great Heavens ! 

Sarah. Mr. McGinty, you know it was only a joke. 

McGinty. Do you call it a joke to give a man arsenic? 

Vacant. Arsenic? A deadly, slow poison. 



44 The Gitl from Porto Rico 

McGinty. A slow poison? 



Vacant. Yes ; it takes days, sometimes weeks to do its 
work. 

McGinty. I knew it, I'll die yet, I can feel it working inside 
me now. 

Vacant. You should take an antidote. 

McGinty. A nanny goat? By gorry, the cure's as bad as 
the disease. I think I'll go somewhere and lie down to die 
peaceably and quiet. (Bell rings off R.) I wont as long as 
that bell kapes ringing. [EXIT c. d. to r. 

Vacant (rising, going a little l.). Perhaps this is Mr. Mite? 

Sarah. Oh, no, sir, that isn't his ring; besides, he generally 
carries a latchkey. 

McGinty (outside r.). She isn't here, sir, so you are safe. 



ENTER McGinty, c. d., followed by Robin and Violet. 

Sarah. Well, I declare ! Mr. Robin and Miss Violet. 

Robin (coming down with Violet r. of table). Mrs. Dodd, 
now, Sarah. 

Sarah. You don't say so? Now who would ever thought she 
would ever marry you. 

Robin. Eh? Oh, thank you. 

McGinty (down r.). That's what you was up to, eh? I 
thought you looked sneaky. 

Robin. Oh, this is nice. (Violet laughs.) 

Sarah. I declare it was an elopement, wasn't it? 

Violet. Yes. To Hoboken. 

McGinty. I don't like thim Jersey marriages, they're done 
too quick. 

Robin. Well, they can't be undone so quick, so it suits me. 

Vacant. I beg pardon, but from what I gather, you 
have just been married. Allow me to present my card. (Hands 
card to Robin.) 

Robin (reading card). "Jabez Vacant, real estate agent." (To 
Vacant) Well, we haven't thought of that yet; when I do, I'll 
give you a call. 

Vacant. What name, please? 

Robin. Robinson Dodd. (Vacant writes it on card. To 
Sarah and McGinty) We came in answer to this telegram. 
(Reads telegram) "Come over to my wedding supper to-night, 
Jack." Now what does he mean? 

Sarah. Why, your friend, Mr. Jenkins, has gone and mar- 
ried Miss Dina. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 45 

Violet. What! Already? 

McGinty. I guess it's done by this time. [EXIT c. d. 

Roein. Well, she didn't waste much time. 
Violet. Quite a compliment to you. (Laughs.) 

Abraham (off r., calls). McGinty— Sarah 

Sarah. Here's master now. (Calls) Coming, sir. (Goes 
up c. and EXITS c. d.) 



ENTER Abraham, c. d. from r. 

Abraham (excited). There's others coming! 

Robin. Who ? 

Abraham. My daughter and my son-in-law. 

Violet (very nervous). I think I will retire for a few min- 
utes. 

Abraham. What, Violet! Not stay to welcome them? 

Violet (hesitates). Well, no— you see— Mr. Dodd and I 

Abraham. Oh, don't mind him. 

Violet. But I must mind him; I've promised to do so for 
life. 

Abraham. What ! 

Robin (proudly). Married about two hours ago. 

Abraham (surprised) . You too? 

Robin. We, too. (Takes Violet's hand.) 

Abraham. I begin to see trouble ahead. On second thought, 
I guess you are right, Violet; I wouldn't meet Dina just now. 

Violet. We will call again later. (Starts up stage.) 

Abraham. Too late to leave the house, they are driving up. 

Violet. Conceal me somewhere. 

Abraham. You know where to hide — go quick. (Violet 
runs up and off c. d. to l.) 

Robin. Let me get out of the way, too, or there will be 
murder 

Abraham. You had no business coming to life again. (Points 
to door r. 3E.) Get into my room quick. (Robin makes quick 
EXIT.) And to think this is all my fault; I telegraphed him to 
come. (Bell rings off r. McGinty and Sarah go to open the 
door. 

Vacant. Mr. Mite, I have several villas 

Abraham. I've got no time to talk villas now; get out of 
sight. 

Vacant. Where will I go? 

Abraham. Oh — go — go to the devil. (Goes up c, Vacant 
goes to l. corner.) 



46 The Girl from Porto Rico 



ENTER Sarah, c. d., showing in Dina and Jack. 
Sarah. I offer my con-grat-ti-lations- 



Dina (angrily). Keep them until they are asked for. (All 

come down stage.) 

(POSITIONS: Dina r., Jack r. a, Abraham a, 
Sarah l., Vacant l.) 

Abraham (aside, to Jack). Robin is here. 

Jack (aside, to Abraham). What! 

Abraham (aside, to Jack). So is Violet. 

Jack (aside, to Abraham). What in Heaven's name brought 
them here? 

Abraham (aside, to Jack). I did 

Jack (aside, to Abraham). You! You! Oh, something 
must be done quickly. 

Abraham (aside, to Jack). Yes, indeed. (To Dina) Will 
you excuse us a moment, dear? (Dina is standing R. in deep 
thought; doesn't notice Abraham.) 

Dina (turns to Abraham). Yes. 

Abraham. Will you excuse Jack and me for a few moments? 

Dina. With pleasure. 

Jack. Eh? (Looks at Abraham.) Good-by, dear. (Goes 
towards Dina as if to kiss her; she understands what he is 
going to do; as he gets near her) 

Dina. Oh — oh (Slight scream.) 

Jack (with concern). What is it? 

Dina. You stepped on my toe 

Jack. Oh, did I? Excuse me. (Attempts to kiss her.) 

Dina. No — no 

Jack. What? 

Dina (assuming a laugh). Punishment for your clumsiness. 

Jack. Oh, very well. (Going to c. d with Abraham. EXIT 
Abraham, c. d to l. Jack stands a moment.) Funny, but I 
don't feel elated over the conquest of Porto Rico. 

[EXIT c. d. to l. 

Sarah. Miss Dina 

Dina (severely). Leave the room. 

Sarah. Yes'm. (Going up to c. d.) Well, if that's the way 
marriage affects 'em, I don't think I'll tackle it. 

[EXIT c. d. to L. 

Dina (Not seeing Vacant, who is standing dozvn l., who is 
very nervous. Aloud) At last ! Oh, I thought it would never 



The Girl ftom Porto Rico 47 

end ; and he wanted to kiss me — profane my lips — but I will have 
revenge, sweet revenge. 

Vacant. Excuse me, Miss, but I can't help hearing what 
you say. 

Dina (turns, sees Vacant). Well, you should help it — go 

(Vacant starts.) Stop — you are the man who caused all this 
trouble; but for you Robin would have been alive and I his 
happy wife. 

Vacant. What do you mean? 

Dina. That it was you who first poisoned my father's ears 
about Robin 

Vacant. Robin — Robin — who ? 

Dina. Don't pretend ignorance — Robinson Dodd. 

Vacant. Robinson Dodd ! Why, I never saw the gentleman 
to my knowledge until I spoke to him a few moments ago. 

Dina (excited). A few moments ago! Where? 

Vacant. Here, in this room. 

Dina. What does this mean? Father, father. Oh, I am 
fainting. (Down R.) 



ENTER Abraham and Jack, door c 

Abraham. What is it? 

Dina. Papa, this man says he saw Robin in this room a few 
minutes ago. 

Abraham. Eh! What? 

Dina. Remember, I saw him this morning. Can it be his spirit 
that is wandering about? 

Jack (quickly). Yes, that's it; his spirit. 

Dina (to Jack). Come back to haunt his murderer? 

Jack. Exactly. 

Dina. But why should a stranger see it? 

Jack. Oh — oh — he's — a spiritualist — a medium (Calls) 

McGinty! McGinty! 

Dina. I will consult him. 

Jack. Certainly, another time ; he's busy now, he must go. 
(Aside, to Vacant, threateningly) Say you must go. 

Vacant (to Dina, hysterically). Oh — yes — I must — go 



ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

McGinty. Here I am. 

Jack. McGinty, see this gentleman out. (McGinty comes 



48 The Gkl from Porto Rico 

down between Jack and Vacant. Aside to McGinty) And I 
don't care how he goes out either. 

McGinty {aside). A wink is as good as a kick to a blind 
horse. (To Vacant) Come along, me joker! (Drags him up 
stage and off c. d to r.) 

Dina. Papa, Robin cannot rest in his grave until his death 
is avenged. 

Abraham. Oh, he'll get along well enough where he is. 

Dina. These visions have a significance to me. He is im- 
ploring me to seek out his murderer. 

Jack. Nonsense ! You are nervous, excited. 

Dina. Why shouldn't I be, with Robin's spirit crying out for 
vengeance ? 

Jack. You imagine these things. 

Dina. Did I imagine I saw him this morning? Did this 
spiritual medium imagine he conversed with him in this room? 
These visits are omens of trouble and it will come. (Loud 
crash heard off r. ; groans and cries.) What is that? (Crosses 
quickly to l. corner, Jack down r. corner, Abraham runs up c.) 



ENTER McGinty, c. d., quickly. 

McGinty (drawls). The poor man's fell downstairs. 

Dina. Perhaps he is killed. But his spirit will not haunt us 
like poor, murdered Robin's. 

Jack. Bosh ! There are no spirits. 

(Abraham has been motioning off r. 3 e. to Robin to 
sneak out. Robin ENTERS d. r. 3 e., sneaks across 
stage, is about to EXIT c. d.) 

Dina (turns and sees Robin, screams). Oh! — look — there 

(Robin stops, petrified.) 

Jack. Where ? 

Dina. There! (Points). See, it is Robin. (To Jack) Now 
deny there are spirits. 

Jack. Yes, yes, it is his spirit. 

Dina. Robin, speak to me. (Starts a step towards 
Robin.) 

Robin. Stand off! You are the other man's wife. 

Dina. He repulses me, — he does not know my motive. (Faints 
in chair.) 

Jack. McGinty, there is another victim. (Points to Robin, 
makes motion to throw him out.) 

McGinty (grabs Robin, runs him off c. d. to r. ; crash heard 
off r., cries and yells heard.) 



The Girl from Porto Rico 49 

ENTER Violet, door c. from l., quickly. 

Violet. What is it? (Stands looking off r.) 
Jack. The ghost of Robin gone to rest. 

CURTAIN. 



ACT III. 



Scene. — The same. Cord hanging down r. of c. d. Foot-bath 
in front of couch. A shoe r. of bath, a slipper l. of bath. 
Watch and pistol under pillow. Shoe hung on a nail r. of 
scene. Clock set at ten o'clock, railway guide, two tumblers, 
bottle of alum water, bottle of ginger ale without label, 
bottle of cold tea on mantel over fireplace at r. 2e. Slipper 
hung by twine from door r. 3 e. Cigar-case with three cigars, 
box of matches, newspaper, smoking cap, writing paper and 
pencil, on table. Pair of suspenders on back of chair r. 
Lights down. Jack discovered zvith dressing robe on and 
without his shoes, asleep on couch. Dina stands on a chair 
r. of couch, with a ball of white twine, tying one of Jack's 
shoes to a nail in scene. She comes down, looks around, thefb 
at Jack. 

Dina. There he is, the assassin, and I have married him, so 
that I could be avenged. First I thought I would shoot him, 
then I decided to poison him ; but neither was agony enough, so 
I have married him — married him, and I wiil torture him, kill 
him by inches, I will drive him either to suicide or madness. 
(Jack snores. Dina turns towards couch.) He is actually 
snoring, the wretch, after such a day as I made him pass, and 
this is all the effect it has had upon him. Now let me see, there 
is the foot-bath full of cold water all right for him to step into. 
1 have ripped up his cigars, I've put a lot of pepper in his smok- 
ing cap, I've sewed his handkerchief into his pocket, put the 
clock forward and his watch back a few hours, left just 
three cents in his pocket, and now I will cut through his sus- 
penders so that they will break when he puts them on. {Does 
so. Takes up a large book and goes to door l. 3 e. ) Jack 
Jenkins! The hour of vengeance has struck. (Throws book 
down zvith a crash.) [EXIT hurriedly, door l. 3 e. 



50 The Girl from Porto Rico" 

Jack (jumping up). Come in, what's the matter? Who's 
there ? I thought I heard a shot ; I suppose I was dreaming. 
I'm married, married ever since yesterday morning, and a pretty 
day and night I've had of it. I wonder what time it is? (Takes 
out watch from under pillow.) Four o'clock, only four o'clock; 
oh, what a night! I must try and go to sleep once more. (Turns 
around on pillow. Clock on mantel or small bell outside strikes 
ten times slowly. Jack counts each strike, one two, three, four, 
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, ) Ten o'clock, ten o'clock ! My 
watch says it's only four. (Sits up on couch, jumps up from 
couch, puts foot in bathtub.) Now what the deuce did the 
servant put that bathtub there for? (Hops off c. d., supposed to 
open window, lights go up, returns at once.) Where's my slip- 
pers? (Puts on one which he finds at the l. of foot-bath.) 
Now, where's the other one? Oh, well, I'll put on my shoes. 
(Puts on one he finds at r. of the foot-bath.) Now, where's the 
other ? Well, that's pleasant ! One shoe and one slipper ; what 
can Sarah be about? (While he is speaking he takes off dressing 
gown, puts on suspenders, both break.) Confound it, there 
goes the other. (Throws them on the floor.) Where's my cap? 
Here it is. (Puts it on head, sneezes.) W T hat a smell of pepper 
there is. Well, I won't disturb the house; I must wait patiently. 
(Sits at table.) I'll have a cigar. (Takes a cigar, with match, 
sneezes.) Where can this smell of pepper come from? (Tries 
to light cigar; finding he can't get the cigar to light, he throws 
it away and takes another cigar ; sneezes.) Confound it and con- 
found that pepper ! Well, we got off Robin, by Jove ! Dina 
really thought he was a spirit. (Laughs.) Lucky for us she 
did. I don't understand how she could sprain her ankle when 
she fainted — deuce take these cigars (trying to light cigar, throws 
it away and takes the third one), but she did, and we had to 
put her to bed, while off I went post haste for a doctor, and when 
I brought him she had dropped off to sleep and couldn't see 
him. (All this time trying to light cigar.) After an hour's nap 
she woke, and I ran for another, but she said he was too 
young, and wouldn't see him. Off I went again and caught a 
third, with a bald head and spectacles ; she said he was an old 
fool, and I had to kick him downstairs ; at last, with tears in 
my eyes, I exclaimed — damn the cigars. (Looks at them.) Why, 
they are (sneeze) cut and won't draw. (Takes off cap and 
smells it.) And, sure enough, here's the pepper; what the 
deuce has — Sarah been putting pepper in my cap for. (Throws 

cap away.) And my cigars, too, all (Sneezes.) Where's my 

handkerchief? (Tries to pull it out of pocket.) Why, it is 
sewn in; somebody has sewn it in. I'll find out who has dared 



• The Girl from Porto Rico 5 J 

to— — (Sneezes, seizes the bell-rope near the couch.) I'll wake 
them all up. (Rings bell.) 

Sarah (off l.). Did you call? Coming, sir. 

Jack. There she is at last. 

McGinty (off r.). In a minute. 

Abraham (off r. 3E.). What's the matter? 

Jack. Father-in-law, too 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. from r., Sarah c. d. from l v Abraham 

from door r. 3 e. 

(POSITIONS: Abraham r v Jack c, McGinty l. a, 
Sarah l.) 

Sarah. Ain't you well, sir? 

McGinty. Did you fall out of bed? 

Abraham. Shall I send for the police? 

Jack (to Sarah). Come here and answer me. 

Sarah. Sir! 

Abraham. What's the matter? 

Jack. Never you mind; your turn will come presently. (To 
Sarah) What time is it? 

Abraham. Was it only to know the time that you 

Jack. Your turn will come. (To Sarah) What time is it, 
I say? 

Sarah. Half past eight, sir 

Jack. Then why does my watch say four and the clock ten? 

Sarah. I'm sure I don't know, sir. 

McGinty. You must ask the clockmaker. 

Abraham. Why, of course ; how the girl 

Jack. Be quiet; your turn hasn't come yet. (To Sarah) 
Why did you put pepper in my smoking cap? 

Sarah. Me ! 

Jack. Why did you rip up my cigars? 

McGinty. Rip up 

Abraham. Rip up 



Jack. Why did you sew my handkerchief in my pocket? 

Sarah. Well, if I ever ! 

McGinty. What did she sew the handkerchief 



Jack (shozving his pocket). What do you call that? 

Sarah. It wasn't me, sir. 

Jack. And the foot-bath, and my shoes, and my slippers. 

Abraham. What! Did she sew your shoes? 

Tack. Will you hold your tongue? (To Sarah) Now answer 
me 



52 The Girl from Porto Rico . 

Sarah. I don't know what you are talking about. 

McGinty. No more do I. 

Jack. I've been made a living target, into which some invisible 
hand has been shooting poisoned arrows. Look here, only one 
shoe; where's the other; one slipper; where's the other? 

Sarah. I don't know, I'm sure, sir. 

McGinty (pointing at shoe on the wall). Look, there's the 
shoe ! 

Jack. Eh! 

Abraham. Oh ! 



Jack. Now, who could have stuck it up there? 

All. It wasn't me 

Jack. Well, there are but four of us; it can't be my wife, 
with her sprained ankle. 

Sarah. Oh ! I see how it is. I know who has done all this. 

McGinty. Do you? 

Jack. You do? 

Abraham. Who? 

Sarah (to Jack). Why, you yourself to be sure. 

Jack. Me ? 

Sarah. Oh, yes, bless you, I know all about it. I had a 
cousin once who used to walk about in the night — what was it 
they used to call him? 

Abraham. A somnambulist. She's right/Jack, you're a somnam- 
bulist. 

Jack. Do you mean to say I could walk about in my sleep 
and rip up my cigars, put pepper into my cap, sew my handker- 
chief into my No, come, that won't do; I can't sew when 

I am awake, how can I do it when I'm asleep? 

Sarah. Law, sir, that's nothing; my cousin could never 
kiss me when he was awake, he could only kiss me when he was 
asleep ; that's second sight, sir. 

Jack (aside). What a horrible discovery! (To All of them) 
Not a word of this to my wife; what would she think of me? 

Dina (off l. 3E.). Help — help 

Jack. What's the matter now? 

Abraham. My daughter's voice 



Sarah. Missus. (They all go to the door l. 3 e., which 
opens.) 

ENTER Dina, one foot bound up in red -flannel. 

Dina. Help — a chair — a sofa — support me. (Jack and Abra- 
ham support her, one on each side. Sarah fixes arm-chair at 
l. of stage. McGinty hustling about and doing nothing.) 



The Girl from Porto Rico 53 

Abraham (to Dina). Why! You are up? 

Jack. You are better then? 

Dina. No ; I am worse, much worse. 

Abraham. But what made you get up? 

Dina. Well, I felt a little better, but before I got to the door 
my foot gave way under me. 

Jack (aside). Pleasant; it will lay her up much longer. 

Abraham. You were very wrong, my dear. In the first place, 
I can't stay to nurse you, for I have a particular appointment 
with my friend Vacant ; he has promised to show me a villa on 
Staten Island, as the one in Harlem didn't suit. 

Dina. You are not going to leave us, papa? 

Jack. No ; you're never going to leave us, papa. (Aside) I 
wish he would ! 

Abraham. A father-in-law has no business in the house of 
a young couple. He is always in the way. 

Dina. Oh, papa 

Jack. Oh, don't say that. (Aside) He's right, though. 

Abraham. So I've made up my mind, with much sorrow, to 
go and live all alone out of town. Sarah, get my breakfast, and, 
McGinty, get my boots blacked. And if you should want a 
doctor [EXIT McGinty, c. d. to l. 

Dina. I know, Jack will run for him. 

Jack. Jack has done nothing else since yesterday morn- 
ing. 

Abraham (kissing Dina). Good-by, my dear; now don't be ill 
again until after I'm gone, because if you are, you know I shall 
have to stay with you, and that will quite put me out in my 
arrangements. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Jack (seating himself close to Dina, l.). Here we are at 
last ; what an agreeable surprise this is. 

Dina (laughing). Dear me, you've got. one shoe and one 
slipper on. 

Jack. Yes, yes ; it's Sarah's doing. 

Sarah. Mine? 

Jack. Or my own ; perhaps it was. I've had such a day and 
night of it, that I hardly know what I've been about. 

Dina (aside). Why, he actually believes 

Sarah. Oh, my ! Look here, the foot-bath, — water all over 
the floor 

Jack. Yes, it was me; I turned it over accidentally. 

Dina (aside). He hasn't the least suspicion. 

Jack (aside). If she only knew I had been walking in my 
sleep. 

Sarah. And what a state the room is in. 



54 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Jack (aside). I wish that girl would go. 

Dina (looking at clock). I had no idea it was so late. 

Jack (aside). There we go again. 

Sarah. Oh, Miss, the clock is two hours fast, and Mr. Jenkins's 
watch is four hours slow; why, it's only nine o'clock, but I 
can't tell how it is 

Jack. How it is? Why, nothing can be simpler; I've turned 
everything topsy-turvy. How could I help it, with my wife's 
ankle in such a state? My head's quite gone. 

Dina. Poor Jack. (Aside) The man is a fool. (To Sarah) 
Pick up those things, Sarah. (Pointing to suspenders on floor.) 
What are they? 

Sarah (picks them up). Why, it's master's suspenders broke 
in bits. 

Jack. Yes — yes — I — I — broke them on purpose. 

Dina. On purpose? 

Jack. They were too short and (Aside) Why won't that 

girl go? 

Dina (aside). It won't do; I must double the dose. 

Jack. Come, Sarah, go and get Mr. Mite's breakfast; you 
know he is waiting. 

Sarah. Yes, sir; only missus may want me, perhaps. 

Jack. Oh, no ; I'll ring if we want you. 

Sarah. Oh, very well, sir. (Aside) Only think master being 
a somnambulist. [EXIT c. d. to l. 

Dina (aside). Oh, you want a tete-a-tete, do you? Well, you 
shall have it, my friend. 

Jack (aside). There! At last we are alone. (To Dina) 
My own little wife. 

Dina. What, dear? 

Jack My own little wife. I only wish I had a sprained ankle in- 
stead of you. (Offering to embrace her.) 

Dina (stopping him). Do you like going about so — with one 
shoe and one slipper? 

Jack. Like it? No, not at all. If you'll allow me, I'll put on 
the other shoe. 

Dina. Allow you ! What an idea. Ain't you my lord and 
master? 

Jack (aside). Well, I don't know. (Puts on shoe. Aloud) 
And I think I'll just shave and dress in Mr. Mite's room while 
I'm about it; a good splash of cold water will refresh me. 

Dina. So it will, dear ; go and splash. 

Jack. I'll be back immediately. (Goes to door r. and gets a 
knock on the nose from other slipper, zvhich is hanging from 
twine.) What's that? My other slipper, well, I declare. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 55 

Dina. Your slipper? Why, how could it get there? 

Jack. 'Twas me, I put it there; before I go to bed, I 
always 

Dina. Always hang one of your slippers by a string? 

Jack. No ; I mean I always hang them both on the floor at 
the foot of the bed. (Pulls down slipper.) 

Dina (aside). It's very odd, he's astonished at nothing. 

Jack (aside). Confound my sleep walking. (Looking into 
door r. 3E.) There's my valise ready packed for my wedding 
trip. (To Dina) Now mind, if you want anything you've only 
to call me ; I shall hear you in the dressing-room. 

Dina. Very well, dear, and don't come unless I do call ; I 
feel that a little nap would do me good. 

Jack. That's right, dear, take a little nap. (Going.) 

Dina (pouting). Is that the way you are going to leave me? 
Without even one little 

Jack (delighted). What, darling Dina? You're an angel. (Goes 
to embrace her.) 

Dina (screams) . Ah ! Take care ! 

Jack (aside). Confound that ankle. 

[EXIT r. 3 E., shuts door. 

Dina (listens for a moment, and as soon as door is shut jumps 
up, removes the bandage from her ankle and paces the room.) 
The complete failure ! Yes, I must double the dose ; first let 
me secure the bell ; I mustn't leave him such a luxury as that. 
(Goes to couch and finds pistol.) What is this, a pistol? Oh! 
he's got his pistol and loaded. I'll remember that (Puts pistol 
in room l. 3E.) There! (Gets on couch.) I think I can 
pull it down (Takes rope in both hands and tries to break it.) 
How strong it is ; never mind, with a good pull — I've rung the 
bell. If Sarah were to catch me 



ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Sarah. Did you ring, ma'am? 

Dina (aside). I'm caught! 

Sarah. Where is she? (Looking around.) Why, there she 
is, I declare. 

Dina. Hush, not a word. 

Sarah. You, up there? 

Dina. Not a word, I say; I'll pay you for your silence. 

Sarah. Well, but what [EXIT c. d. 

Dina. Wait a minute — there. (Rope breaks.) It's done. 
(Bell rings.) 



56 The Girl from Porto Rico 

ENTER Jack, r. 3 k 

Jack (looks for the chair where he left Dina, and not finding 
her, looks about the room, sees her). Hello 

Dina. Is that you, dear? 

Jack. Me ! Yes — it is me — what on earth are you doing 
there? 

Dina. My ankle felt a little better, so I thought I would 
try a little walk 

Jack (bursting out). A walk? Oh, I begin to suspect, I see 
it at last — I ain't a sleep walker. (Crosses dozvn l. corner. Dina 
comes down off couch) And now, madam, let us understand each 
other — I seem to have come back at an unlucky moment. What 
farce is this that you have been playing? 

Dina (standing r.). Farce, do you call it? You'll find it a 
tragedy. 

Jack. What do you mean? — — 

Dina. Jack Jenkins, you've trodden upon woman's first love. 
You've killed my Robin 

Jack. Me? (Going towards her.) Nonsense! 

Dina. Didn't you kill him?- 

Jack. Me ! Certainly not, and the best proof is, that Robin 
was not killed at all. 

Dina. Robin not killed? 

Jack (checking himself). By my hand, by my hand. (Aside) 
What was I saying, she loves him, and if she were to know that 
he was alive 

Dina. Jack Jenkins, I have sworn, and in my country oaths 
are sacred. Listen, I mean that each day shall have its 
catastrophe, each hour its suffering; you will live upon a bed of 
thorns, upon a gridiron, and every now and then I shall turn 
you over and over. 

Jack. What! (Up to her.) Mrs. Jenkins 

Dina. Back, assassin ! 

Jack. Mrs. Jenkins [EXIT Dina, l. 3 e. 

Jack. By Jove, my head swims around. I'm shut up in a 
cage tete-a-tete with an untamed lioness ; I've no chance with her. 
(Sits on chair r.) There! Let her devour me. 

ENTER Abraham, c. t>., gaily. 

Abraham. All's going on capitally. 
Jack. The deuce it is ? 

Abraham. Jack, my dear friend, I shall have the house at 
Staten Island. He has given me ten minutes for my decision. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 57 

I know Vacant will take my terms, and I shall live calm and 
tranquil for the rest of my days. 

Jack. Calm and tranquil? Oh, you flatter yourself, do you? 
And you've been her accomplice all this time. (Starts at Abra- 
ham.) 

Abraham. Whose accomplice? 

Jack. Accomplice of that tigress whose father you pretend 
to be. 

Abraham. Pretend to be? Mr. Jenkins 

Jack. Accomplice, own up to it, let me have at last a man to 
deal with. 

Abraham. What do you mean ! Oh, you are walking in your 
sleep again. 

Jack (starts at him). Walking in my sleep— no more of that 
nonsense. The veil's torn from my eyes; I've found out my 
secret enemy. 

Abraham. You have? And who is it? 

Jack. Your horrible daughter, whom you tricked me into 
marrying. 

Abraham. You're joking. 

Jack (seising him). Joking, am I? You shall see. (Shakes him 
well.) 

Abraham. Help — help — murder 

ENTER Dina, d. l., in street dress. 

Dina. What's the matter, papa? 

Jack (throws Abraham from him; Abraham falls upon 
chair.) Oh, ye gods! [EXIT door r. 3 e. 

Abraham. Oh, good gracious! 

Dina, What's the matter, papa? You seem agitated, (c.) 

Abraham. Agitated! I should rather think I was. 

Dina. Well, but what is it? 

Abraham. Never mind, only let me get out of this den. 

Dina. Where's my husband? Where has he gone?_ 

Abraham. Don't ask me ! I've nothing to do with it. Settle 
it among yourselves. Good-by. 

Dina. You shall not go until you have told me all. 

Abraham. All! You want to know all? Well, you shall; it 
is isn't long, three words are enough— Robin is alive. 

Dina. Alive! 

Abraham. He never fought at all, he's not such a fool. He 
said to himself, "I've had enough of that Porto Ricon wildcat," 
and he asked that idiot, Jack Jenkins, to come here and announce 
his death— and Jack was idiot enough to do it. 



58 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Dina. Robin alive! Robin capable of such treachery? No — 
no — it's impossible. 

Abraham. Impossible, is it? What if I were to tell you he 
were consoling himself with another? 

Dina. Another ! 

Abraham. Yes ; he and Violet were married yesterday and 
they are stopping at the City Hotel. 

Dina. City Hotel ? What ! In the next street and not in 
Canada ? 

Abraham. No ; he has changed his residence. 

Dina. It's too horrible for belief. 



ENTER Jack, c. d. 

Jack. Mrs. John Jenkins, I had five dollars in my purse this 
morning; what have you done with it? 

Dina. You shall know when I return. 

Jack. Where are you going? 

Dina. City Hotel. [EXIT c d. to R. 

Jack. How did she know? (Turns to Abraham.) This is 
your doing. Who could have told her? It must have been you. 
What can she want there? 

Abraham. She wants Robin, who is there. I saw him go 
in not ten minutes ago. 

Jack (mad). And you have had the infamy to (Rushes 

at Abraham, shakes him well, then runs to door. Calls) 
McGinty ! Stop her! (Door heard to slam off r.) 

McGinty (off r.). Too late; she's taken the key and locked 
the door on the outside. 

Jack (jumps at Abraham). You old scoundrel, this is your 
doing. (Abraham runs, tumbling over furniture. Jack runs 
after him. Abraham falls upon chair l. of c, Jack into chair 
R. of table.) You are beneath contempt. 

Abraham. I'm glad of it. 

Jack (calmly). Mite, what time is it? 

Abraham. What's what? 

Jack. What time is it? 

Abraham. I don't know, I don't know anything. 

Jack. Can't you look at the clock? That's of no use. Where's 
my watch? Oh, that's wrong, both wrong, everything is wrong, 
I'm wrong, you're wrong, my wife's wrong. (Goes to window.) 
No signs of her, Mite; how long has she been gone? 

Abraham. Gone! Where? To City Hotel. Oh, I don't know. 
She can't be long, give her time. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 59 

Jack. Time indeed ! Time for my wife to go and see her 
infernal Robin. She's a nice article. 

Abraham. Article! Mr. Jenkins, my daughter is incapable 
of 

Jack. She is capable of anything. 

Abraham. Yes, I believe she is. (Aside) I mustn't contra- 
dict ; I don't want another shaking. 

Jack. What on earth induced you to tell her where he was? 

Abraham. It is for the best ; I thought it would soothe her. 

Jack. And you thought it would soothe to tell her that 
Robin was still alive? 

Abraham. Of course I did; my intentions were good; it 
isn't my fault. 

Jack (calmly). Mite, what time is it? 

Abraham. I don't know ; my watch has stopped. 

Jack. Everything is stopped; there's a cab stopped, hush — 
listen (Up c, looking off.) 

Abraham. She's back. 

Jack. She dares to return? 

Abraham. Jack, be quiet — be calm and tranquil like me. 

Jack. I will. (Crosses, throzvs himself into chair L., takes 
up newspaper.) She shall see how calm I am. 

Abraham (aside). They'll murder each other. If I could 
only get away to see my villa. 

ENTER Dina, very mad. Comes down and looks very savagely 

at Jack and Mite. 

Dina. Papa, leave us. 

[EXIT Abraham, c. d. to r v without a word. 

Dina (looking at Jack a moment, makes a sign of impatience, 
then bursts out). I've seen Robin. (Jack takes no notice.) 
But not alone; he was with her. They were just sitting down to 
lunch. I dragged the table cloth off and broke everything to 
pieces. (Jack remains unmoved, she paces the room.) Why did 
you tell me he was dead? But I know; papa has told me all. It 
was that little wretch Robin's doing — the monster — fled from 
my love and gloried in my sorrow. (Sits dozvn face to face with 
Jack; after little pause) Jack, how shall we kill him? 

Jack. What! You can't be serious? 

Dina. Oh, that I were in Porto Rico ; I wouldn't ask your 
assistance there. In this stupid, cold climate a wife's honor be- 
longs to her husband. A wretch has insulted your wife; put it 
out of his power to repeat that insult — kill him ! 

Jack. You must be mad. 



60 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Dina. Mad ! 

Jack. You want me to fight Robin because he refused to 
marry you. By Jove ! I only wish he had. 

Dina. What ! 

Jack. Fight him for that, indeed ! No — no — not exactly. 

Dina. You refuse? 

Jack. With alacrity. 

Dina. Enough — I only ask the head of Robin to save your 
own ; you refuse me such a trifle ? Well, I'll say no more about it. 

Jack. What does she mean? 

Dina. Robin still loves me. (Jack makes a sign of dis- 
belief. Aside) Will nothing pique him? I'll try. (To Jack) 
And I love Robin. 

Jack. What! Do you dare to tell me this? Seising her by 
the arm.) Tell me how in Porto Rico, your beloved country, 
they treat a woman who confesses such a thing? 

Dina. You hurt me, I tell you 

Jack. You refuse to tell me? Then I'll tell you how we treat 
them in America. 

Dina. Let me go 

Jack. We lock them up. We make them ask pardon. 

Dina. Never ' 

Jack. On your knees. (Forces her down on knees.) Now 
listen to me. (She tries to bite his hand.) Don't bite. You 
thought you had married a lamb, but you'll find out your mistake. 
Don't bite, I tell you — I give you one day to live ; but take care, 
reflect, or to-morrow I marry again. Now you may go. (Throws 
her from him.) 

Dina (remains a minute immovable, looking fiercely around 
her; all of a sudden she springs towards door l. 3e.). Ah! the 
pistol! (Rushes into room l. 3e.) 

Jack. Pistol! (Rushes after her and locks her in.) We lock 
them up. 

Dina (off l.). Open the door. 

Jack (taking his hat). I shall be back in three days; it will 
give you time for reflection. 

(As Jack is going towards door ENTER Abraham, c. d.) 

Abraham. Where are you going? 

Jack. To the end of the world. (Throws Abraham around r. ; 
he falls on couch. ) [EXIT Jack quickly, c. d. 

(Dina, outside, knocks on door.) 

Abraham. What's that? 

Dina (off l.). Will you open the door? 

Abraham. Why, who locked it? 

Dina (off l.). My husband. 



The Girl from Porto Rico 6 \ 

Abraham (walking away). Oh, that's quite another matter. 

Dina (off l.). Papa, open the door. 

Abraham. My dear child, a father-in-law must never inter- 
fere between man and wife. 

Dina (off l.). You refuse? 

Abraham. It is not a matter of principle. I'll go back to the 
agent. [EXIT door r. 3 e. 

Dina (off l.). He's gone— help— help — McGinty ! Sarah! 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

McGinty. Who in the world is that? 

Dina (off l., pounding door). Open this door. 

McGinty. It's Miss Dina. Yes, ma'am. (Unlocks door.) 

ENTER Dina, door l. 3 e. 

Dina. Thank you, McGinty. 

McGinty. Your apology is accepted ; I mean, don't mention it. 

Dina (going l. corner). Can I believe my senses? Was 
it really Jack? He mastered me. (Turns, sees McGinty.) Well, 
what do you want? 

McGinty. I don't want anything; but the butcher's here, and 
he wants to know what you want for dinner. 

Dina. Nothing; I shall never eat again. (Sits l.) 

McGinty. If you stick to that, you'll soon be eatin' angel 
cake — if ye don't go in the other direction. [EXIT c. d. to r. 

ENTER Abraham, door r. 3 e. 

Abraham. I wonder if she is still locked up. (Sneaking 
towards c. d.) 

Dina (jumping up and going to him). Papa. (Abraham 
tries to run azvay.) 

Dina. No, papa, stop. I'm going to Porto Rico. 

Abraham. What? With your husband? 

Dina. I have no husband. 

Abraham. But, my dear child 

Dina. You have no child — and I have no father, no husband, 
no family. [EXIT door l. 3 e. 

ENTER Jack, c. d. 

I 

Jack (sees the door l. open). Ah! They've let her out — so 
much the better. (To Abraham) Ah! There you are. 



62 The Gkl from Porto Rico 

Abraham. Yes; I was just going. 

Jack. And so am I ; I'm going 

Abraham. You ? Where ? 

Jack. I don't know ; anywhere, everywhere, to the end of 
the world. If you happen to see your daughter, tell her I am 
dead. 

Abraham (quietly). I will. 

Jack. Now for my valise. [EXIT door R. 3 E. 

Abraham (goes on with speech placidly). Yes, if Vacant 

would only come (Bell rings off R.) Ah, there he is now; 

I'm getting desperate; if this villa is fit to live in I'll buy it 
and go 

ENTER McGinty, c. d. 

McGinty (announces). Mr. Vacant. 

ENTER Vacant, c. d., stands in doorway, as far away from 
McGinty as possible. 

Vacant. Mr. Mite, before I enter I wish to know if you were 
a party to my hasty exit yesterday? 

Abraham. No. 

Vacant (surprised). Then, Mr. Mite, I know who to look to. 

McGinty (threateningly). Do ye mane to say I threw ye 
downstairs ? 

Vacant (hastily). I didn't say any one threw me downstairs. 

McGinty (with dignity). I accept your apology. 

[EXIT c d. to R. 

Abraham. Come in, Mr. Vacant. 

Vacant. One question more, Mr. Mite; is your daughter at 
home? 

Abraham. She is ; why ? 

Vacant. Why? Can you ask me? I thank you for your 
invitation, but I'll stay here — it's safer. 

Abraham. Suit yourself. How about the villa at Yonkers? 

Vacant (nervously looking r. and l. expecting trouble). I've 
seen the owner ; he will accept your offer. 

Abraham (delighted) . Good! (Rubs his hands in glee.) 

Vacant. Will you go up to see the place? 

Abraham. No, I won't take any more chances ; go get the 
owner; I will meet you at your office in half an hour. (Calls) 
McGinty ! 

Vacant (in alarm). Why are you calling that Irishman? 

Abraham. To show you out. 



The Girl from Potto Rico 63 

Vacant (hastily). No, thanks; he has shown me out once, 
that is enough. 

Abraham. Why, he showed you in. 

Vacant. I don't object to the way he shows me in — it's the 
way he shows me out. I don't leave here until you go with me. 

Abraham. Very well, we will go together. (Up stage to c. d.) 
I'll buy this villa if the sun don't shine within a mile of it. 

[EXIT with Vacant, c. d. to r. 



ENTER Dina, door l. 3 e. 

Dina. I cannot rest a moment; to think Robin would 
insult me like this, and Violet. (Down L.) 



ENTER Jack, door r. 3 e., with valise. 

Jack. Well, I'm off; where's the railway guide? (Gets it 
from mantel, goes towards table c.) 

Dina. I will make it up with Jack ; he is so manly and master- 
ful. I can't torture him, so it's no use to try, and he does love 
me. (Starts towards c, sees Jack just as he sees her.) You 
here? 

Jack. Oh, you are there ! 

Dina. Are you going away? 

Jack. I am. 

Dina. Where are you going? 

Jack. Where I won't see you again. 

Dina. Indeed ! 

Jack (rings bell on table, calls) . Sarah ! Sarah ! (Speaks) 
I have a splitting headache. I wonder if there's anything in the 
house I can get. (Calls) Sarah ! 

Sarah (off l.)= Coming, sir. 



ENTER Sarah, c. d. 

Sarah. Did you want me, sir? 

Jack. No, I don't want you, but I do want something for 
my headache. 

Sarah. Law, sir ! I don't know what to give you. 

Dina (frigidly). There is some solution of bromo caffeine 
on the mantel. 

Sarah (goes to mantel and gets the bottle). So there is. 



64 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Jack (frigidly to Dina). Oh, thank you, I didn't think you 
would care enough about my aches or pains to even say where 
I could find a remedy. 

(Sarah pours out about half a glass of water from 
bottle, her hand covers label; she hands glass to 
Jack.) 

Jack (sarcastically to Dina, as if giving her a toast). I wish 
you better luck with your next husband. (Drinks.) 

Dina. And I wish you bon voyage! 

Jack (hands glass back to Sarah; makes faces to Dina). 
What do you mean by bon voyage? 

Dina. Why, didn't you say you were going where you 
wouldn't see me again? 

Jack. That's so. My ! But that stuff has a peculiar taste. 

Sarah (puts glass back on mantel; about to put bottle back, 
when she sees the label, screams). Oh! Oh! 

Dina. What is the matter? 

Sarah. This ain't boney caffin. 

Jack. What is it? 

Sarah. It's poison ! (Shows label with skull and cross bones.) 

Jack (scared). I thought it tasted queer. (Turns to Dina.) 
Now I know what you meant by bon voyage — murderess ! 
(Sinks in chair r. of table, groaning.) 

Dina. No ! No ! It was unintentional ! (Rings bell on table 
violently. ) 

Jack (groaning). This is your revenge for Robin. 

Dina. Robin ! Do not mention his name, the wretch. Mc- 
Ginty, will you never come? 



ENTER McGinty, c d. 

McGinty. I'm here, ma'am. 

Dina. Get a doctor quick; I've poisoned Mr. Jenkins. 

McGinty (aside). Another! I feel mine working too; well, 
I'll have company on the journey. 

Jack (groaning). No use sending for a doctor, it will be all 
over in a few minutes. 

Dina. Don't say that. 

Sarah. I've heard, ma'am, as how whiskey was good for 
poison. 

Dina (to McGinty). Get some, quick. Get papa's bottle at 
once. [EXIT McGinty, door r. 3 e. 

Jack (groaning). But I hate whiskey. 

Dina. Jack — Jack — you must not die ! 



The Girl from Porto Rico 65 

ENTER McGinty, door r. 3 e. 

McGinty. Here's the whiskey, and here's the ginger ale to 
take the taste out of your mouth. 

(Sarah gets two glasses. McGinty pours whiskey in 
one glass, a little ginger ale in the other, gives them 
to Jack.) 

Dina. Drink, Jack, for my sake. 

Jack. It's a dying favor. {Drinks, sputters, coughs.) Ugh. 
(Drinks ginger ale.) Ah! That's better. 

Dina. Jack, say you forgive me? 

Jack (groaning). I do, I do. 

McGinty (suddenly) . Oh, ma'am, I forgot what I came for; 
Mr. Robin and Miss Violet are at the door ; they want to see 
you. 

Jack. What ! 

Dina. Let them wait; my husband is dying, and through the 
fault of that monster, Robin. (Jack groans.) 

ENTER Robin and Violet, just inside c d. 

Sarah. Oh, miss, here's Mr. Robin and Miss Violet. 

Dina (looks up). Come in, come in and see your work. 

Violet (comes down stage l., Robin lingers behind). What 
is it? 

Dina. My husband poisoned by mistake and all his fault. 
(Points to Robin. Jack groans.) 

Violet. Dina, I came to ask your forgiveness for marrying 
Robin. 

Dina. Forgiveness? You have my blessing. 

Robin (comes down between Violet and Dina). You mean 
that? 

Dina. Of course I do. It gave me a husband whom I could 
love and honor. 

Jack. What are you saying? 

Dina. My heart is speaking now, but it is too late, too late. 
(Jack groans.) 

Sarah. Oh, Miss Dina, here comes your father. 

ENTER Abraham and Vacant, c. d. 

Dina. Father, father, my heart is broken. 
Abraham. Eh! what? 

Dina. I have poisoned Jack — Jack whom I have learned to 
ove. 



66 The Girl from Porto Rico 

Abraham. Poisoned, what, when, how? 

Sarah (getting bottle from mantel). Miss Dina gave him this 
for a headache. 

Abraham (takes bottle). That isn't poison. It's alum water. 

All. What ! 

Jack (jumping up). And I didn't drink poison? 

Abraham. No ! 

Robin (to Dina). And you forgive us? 

Dina. Gladly. 

Jack. And you love me? 

Dina. With all my heart. (Giving him her hand.) And you 
will never regret having won for a wife — the girl from Porto 
Rico. 

CURTAIN. 



Positions : 

Table. 

Abraham. Jack. 

McGinty. Dina. 

Sarah. Robin. 

Vacant. Violet. 



OAK FARM 

COMEDY DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 

By ANTHONY E. WILLS 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Seven male, four female characters, being first old man, leading man, 
comedy, character heavy, three comedy characters; first old lady, leading 
lady and two lady comedy characters. Time of playing, 2^/2 hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Scene, room in the Weatherby home, Oak Farm. Donald 
departs for college. The farm mortgaged. Donald and Helen betrothed. 
The rain agent. Joel and Sally. Prune, postmaster and money lender. 

Act II. — Scene, the same, three years later. The intercepted letters. 
"Why does not Donald write?" The old maid's suitors. Frune's rascality. 
The mortgage due. 

Act III. — Same scene, two months later. Prune unmasked. The old 
maid's stratagem. The stranger's offer declined. "I am Donald." Joy at 
Oak Farm. 



ESCAPED FROM THE LAW 

COMEDY DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS 
By C. WALCOTT RUSSELL 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Seven male, five female characters. The owner of a factory, his super- 
intendent, a French scientist, a physician, an English labor agitator, gardener 
and butler. The owner's wife and daughter, his partner's widow, a maid- 
servant, a neighbor and a policeman. A labor agitator's plot to promote a 
strike a/id burn the owner's house. Time of playing. 2j4 hours. 3 interior 
and 1 exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Morning. The Irishman and the anarchist. The doctor recog- 
nizes and exposes the woman from Martinique. 

Act II. — Evening. A wife's confession. Flight. 

Act III. — Three weeks later. The dying child. One of Nature's noble- 
men. The plot to burn the factory. "Your silence or your life." 

Act IV. — The widow and the superintendent. The house surrounded 
by rioters. The telegraph message. The wires cut. 

Act V. — A wife's sacrifice and husband's remorse. The rioters dis- 
persed. Home and love once more. 



T 



COMEDY-DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS 
By HORACE C. DALE 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, four female characters, consisting of a factory owner, a 
lawyer, two mechanics, a rascally negro, an old woman clairvoyant, two 
girls, policeman, etc. Time of playing; 2j4 hours. A story of strife and 
lawlessness, hatred and hypnotism. Can be played with the scenery in any 
hall. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The dynamite bomb. A test of will power. A labor champion, 
a remedy for grievances. An appeal. Explanation. "I go downtown if 
it means to my death." "You shall not." 

Act II. — Hatred and vengeance. Will power prevails. Henry assaulted. 
The two spies. The mob's attack. Heroic sacrifice. Rescue. 

Act III. — Appeal for mercy. Attempted bribe. "Your arm is paralyzed." 

Act IV. — The attack. Overpowered. The retreat. Startling revelations, 
testitution. 



THE GYPSY QUEE 

A DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS 

By HORACE C. DALE 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, three female characters. Heavy character man and four 
Vomedy characters. The Gypsy Queen, and two walking ladies. Time of 
playing, 2^/2 hours. Startling situations. 1 interior and 1 exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
Act I. — An angry father's demand. A feminine device. Joe and Inez. 
The gathering storm. A daughter's defiance. The Gypsy Queen. 

Act II.— An early visitor. One month later. Caught napping. Holt 
in the soup. Inez and Dora. The wedding march. Euchered. 

Act III. — The roll call. A knave's compact. Love versus duty. The 
lovers' meeting. A murderous assault. Tricked again. 

Act IV. — An April shower. Revelations of the past. Brought to judg- 
ment. A novel marriage. Crowning of the Queen. 



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2C UNCLE JACK. Drama ; comic, with a good moral ; 1 act ; 1% hours 3 4 «> 

y|\ UNCLE TOM'S CABIN. New version. An old favorite rewritten so that 

/|\ it can be played in any hall ; 5 acts ; 2% hours 

$ UNDER A CLOUD. Comedy drama; bright, breezy, full of snap and go; 

2 acts ; 1 y 2 hours 5 2 

UNEXPECTED FARE, AN. Comedy affording excellent scope for amusing 

situations and by-play ; 1 act ; J^ hour I 5 

WANDERER'S RETURN, THE. (Enoch Arden.) Drama with strong 

plot and effective characters ; 4 acts ; 2^ hours 6 4 

WOODCOCK'S LITTLE GAME. Farce-comedy funny; 2 acts ; 1 hour.. 4 4 
WOVEN WEB, THE. Strong and sparkling drama; has a military flavor, 
and is frequently played under the title of "In Old Virginia"; 4 acts; 

ft 2% ho urs 7 3 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann St., N. Y. 



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COMEDIES AND uk/vma^ 



25 CENTS EACH 

M. F. 

ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME. Comedy by William Gillette. Only 

authorized edition of this famous play ; 4 acts ; 2% hours 10 7 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. Strong drama with comic underplay; easily 

staged ; 4 acts ; 2 hours 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE; OR, SHE WOULD BE A WIDOW. Farce 

comedy for laughing purposes only ; 3 acts ; 2^ hours 11 6 

CAPTAIN DICK. Effective drama, founded on an episode of the Civil War; 

3 acts ; 2 hours 9 6 

DEACON, THE. Comedy drama that is simply immense. Alvyn Joslyn 

type, old man leading character ; 5 acts ; 2% hours. 6 6 

EDWARDS THE SPY. Drama ; a brilliant episode of the Civil War; 5 acts ; 

2% hours..... 10 4 

ERIN GO BRAGH. Up-to-date Irish drama; both serious and comic in 

scope, not sensational ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 5 4 

GOLDEN GULCH. (The Government Scout.) Drama that combines fun, 

sentiment, and exciting situations ; 3 acts ; 2% hours 11 3 

GYPSY QUEEN, THE. Romantic drama with bright comedy parts; 

4 acts ; 2% hours .... 5 3 

JAILBIRD, THE. Drama of city life, containing a vivid plot with well- 
diversified interest, together with a pretty love-story ; 5 acts; 2% hours.. 6 3 

JOHN BRAG, DECEASED. Farce comedy; one of the best farces ever 

published; nothing slow in this piece ; 4 acts ; 2}^ hours 8 5 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. Farcical comedy drama; uproarious comedy 

features alternate with forceful, but not heavy pathos ; 4 acts ; 2 hours.. . . 7 4 

MAN FROM MAINE. Comedy drama with a wide-awake hero from "Down 

East " ; 5 acts ; 2% hours 9 3 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. Comedy drama with great "charac- 
ter " parts ; 4 acts, 2% hours 5 3 

MY LADY DARRELL. Drama possessing all the elements of success; 
powerful situations, effective stage pictures, and grand climaxes ; 4 acts ; 
2% hours 9 6 

NIGHT OFF, A. Comedy by Augustin Daly; printed from the original 

prompt-copy ; 4 acts ; 2% hours 6 5 

PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILLE. Military comedy drama. An excel- 
lent play for amateurs, as all the parts are good and evenly divided ; 4 acts ; 
2% hours 10 4 

REGULAR FLIRT, A. Up-to-date comedy, especially recommended to 

those who have produced the author's "Just for Fun " ; 3 acts ; 2 hours... 4 4 

SEVEN-TWENTY-EIGHT. By Augustin Daly. There have been several 
imitations of this comedy : but none of them approaches the original ; 
4 acts ; 2% hours 7 4 

SHAUN AROON. Stirring drama of home life in Ireland ; a simple real pic- 
ture of country life in the Emerald Isle ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 7 3 

SQUIRE TOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. Strong comedy drama; 5 acts; 

2\i hours 5 2 

STEEL KING, THE. Comedy drama with brisk action; depicts the strug- 
gle between labor and capital ; 4 acts • 2% hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT? Farce comedy; 3 acts; plays 150 minutes; raises 150 

laughs 7 4 

WHITE LIE, A. Comedy drama; abounds in laughable comedy features 

and strong situations of serious interest ; 4 acts ; 2% hours 4 3 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann St., N. Y. 



$$s€-35-5J'C«-C'C-'C'5!-*'C'5J^J<f^5'C-C , C^^^^' 



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